


Brother Mine: Kaorus Story

by SpaggyB



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Hikakao, Hikaru x Kaoru, Hitachiin Twins - Freeform, Hitachiincest, M/M, Twincest, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:51:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1585652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaggyB/pseuds/SpaggyB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin grew up isolated from the world around them, until one day one particular girl broke a very expensive vase in their high school host club. As they soon found out, she opened the door to the outside, and for the first time in their lives, they found themselves branching out. However, when Hikaru takes that first step through the door, and lands himself a summer fling,  Kaoru finds himself hurtling down a forbidden path of jealousy, love and lust hes not entirely sure he wants to get off... but what will Hikaru do when all is revealed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Summer Madness

It all started when Hikaru got his first real girlfriend. Some flighty broad he met over summer vacation. He seemed to be smitten by her witty charm, her flowing hair, her down-to-earth nature, or whatever he called it. Kaoru never really listened when his twin talked about her. Not that he didn’t like her, more that he just… well… didn’t like her with Hikaru. He had to be honest, he wasn’t at all happy with the arrangement. The more time Hikaru spent with her, the less time he spent with Kaoru, which left Kaoru alone while Hikaru was off doing God knows what God knows where at all hours of the day and night. And the more time Kaoru spent alone away from his twin, the worse his mood got.

Kaoru wasn’t accustomed to being without his brother. For all their life it had always been just the two of them, in their world, undisturbed by and plainly just not interested in anyone outside of that. It wasn’t until last year, when one particular girl broke a very expensive vase in the Host Club at their school, that they found themselves starting to open up to the world around them. 

Kaoru snapped off a stick of pocky between his teeth, scowling deeply. 

_Look where that got us._ He thought bitterly, glaring around the park where he was sitting alone, again. _Look where that got me._

The sun was setting on the horizon, spreading a warm evening glow over the little town where the boys chose to vacation during the summer break that year. Dotted here and there in the park Kaoru occupied were couples, families and students all enjoying the last soaking rays of summer, unwilling to retire to their homes to pack for the journey home tomorrow. Kaoru wondered idly if Hikaru was out there somewhere, shielded from his vision by the dying sun, but quickly decided against it, knowing he would recognise his brother’s silhouette in an instant. 

_Unless he’s wrapped around that trollop again._

He shook his head, feeling only slightly guilty for the vicious thought. Sighing, he tossed the still half full pocky packet into a nearby bin and stood up, shivering slightly in the oncoming chill. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and started down the path, the park around him growing darker and darker with every step. That was the thing about those late summer days, once the light changes it doesn’t take long to die completely and leave you out in the cold. 

The walk back to the Hitachiin villa wasn’t a long one, but Kaoru was still shivering when he stepped through the door. The absence of a light in the upstairs window told him Hikaru was still out, and his mouth turned down in annoyance. He’d never admit it to Hikaru, but he was really starting to miss his company in the evenings. Hell, he was even finding it hard to sleep without his brother’s weight in the bed next to him. Late at night after tossing and turning for hours, when he was too weighed down with fatigue to stop himself, he thought about where Hikaru must have been at that same moment, maybe sleeping soundly next to someone else, or maybe not sleeping at all… 

Kaoru gritted his teeth and shoved the thought down. What did he care what his brother did with his girlfriend? It was none of his damn business anyway. 

_Hikaru can do whatever he wants, I don’t care._

Kaoru ran his hands through his hair, tossed his bag aside and went upstairs to his darkened bedroom. Just like the other people in the park that afternoon, he too would be heading back to the city tomorrow in time for the new school year, and he needed to pack. Or, at least, he needed to chuck all of his crap into his suitcase and then make it close. He wasn’t in the mood for folding and organising. He wasn’t really in the mood for anything. As much as he tried not to let Hikarus absence get to him, every minute they were apart he found it more and more difficult to shake of the feeling of lethargy that was snaking its way into his limbs. 

He slammed the lid of his suitcase down over the jumbled mess of fabric and flopped down on the bed, arms out spread, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. Why did he feel so uncomfortable with this? Why did it seem like there was a rock in his shoe that he just couldn’t displace? It was like he was half a step out of line with what was going on around him. Like he was half a second too late to react to the world as it happened. Not enough to make a noticeable difference, but just enough to make him grit his teeth in frustration. 

Outside the cicadas chirped in the evening breeze as Kaorus hand instinctively sought his brothers on the mattress beside him, only to be left empty once again.


	2. Chapter 2

“Kaoru! Wake up, we need to go!”

Kaoru groaned and rolled over, wrenching his shoulder out of Hikarus hand. He screwed his eyes shut against the light of morning, and listened to his brothers footsteps on the bedroom floor boards. He must have just gotten home that morning. Kaoru would have woken up in the night had Hikaru come in late. 

Something heavy landed on the foot of the bed, next to Kaorus shins. Rubbing his face with one hand, Kaoru pushed himself to a sitting position, yawning softly as his eyes adjusted. Hikaru was folding the clothes that Kaoru had just thrown haphazardly into his suitcase the night before, which was now sitting on the bed, and repacking them. His own suitcase was placed neatly by the door, ready to be picked up. 

“What are you doing? I already packed that.” Kaoru frowned at his brother, more annoyed that he didn’t come home til morning. Hikaru shot a disapproving look at him. 

“You didn’t even try. I almost broke my ankle getting into bed last night.” 

“What?” Kaorus brow knitted deeper in confusion. Hikaru had come back? But… surely he would have woken up? 

“What time did you get in? I thought you stayed out all night again…” 

“Um… about one maybe? You were way out of it.” Hikaru zipped the suitcase shut and hoisted it to the door, standing it beside his own. He turned back to face his brother, who was still sitting lazily in bed. “Kaoru, get up and take a shower. We’re leaving soon, it’s a long drive back you know that.” 

Kaoru waved his hand in his twins direction turning his head to gaze out the window, distracted by the fact that Hikaru had come home and he hadn’t woken up. 

“I don’t want a shower, you go ahead.” 

“Ahh, fine.” 

He heard Hikarus shirt, and then a moment later his pants, fall to the floor as he walked over to the bathroom, but didn’t pay any attention to it. The twins were so accustomed to each other things like walking around almost naked didn’t bother them. Hell, walking around fully naked was no big deal either, it was just like looking in a moving mirror. As they got older though those instances happened less and less as the sense of individual privacy grew between them. 

The shower had only been going a few minutes when Kaoru heard the door open again. Looking around, he saw his brother leaning out of the bathroom, hair soaked, a towel draped loosely around his hips. What instantly drew Kaorus attention though, was the dark purple and red bruise sitting lightly beneath his brothers collar bone. 

Kaoru froze. 

He could hear Hikaru asking him something, but the words sounded muffled, as if from far away. All his attention was focused on that hickey, a blatant imposter on the otherwise familiar landscape of his Hikarus chest. Disbelief, confusion and shock rallied inside him, and the mark seemed to grow bigger and bigger the more he stared at it. 

“Kaoru! Oi! Are you listening to me?!” 

Hikaru had raised his voice to almost a shout, and it shook Kaoru out of his trance. Dragging his eyes to his brothers face, he was taken aback by the outright rage he felt boiling up. How dare she! _How dare_ she mark Hikaru like that! _How dare she?!_

“Is that a hickey?” his voice was calm, surprising him even more. 

Hikaru frowned at him. 

“What? I asked if you could get me the body wash from the…” 

Kaoru cut him off, his mind fixated on the mark. 

“Is that… a hickey?” 

Hikaru stepped out of the bathroom, straightening up as he tried to comprehend his brothers question. 

“A hickey? No? Where?” 

Kaoru slid slowly over to the side of the bed, swinging his legs over to place his feet on the floor and clutched at the edge of the mattress with his hands. He nodded in Hikarus direction, afraid that if he let go of the mattress he would topple over. 

“There. On your shoulder.” 

Hikarus face screwed up in confusion as he darted back into the bathroom. A moment passed before Kaoru heard him give a startled yell. He heard the shower being turned off, and tried to take a deep breath. He didn’t know why he was reacting like he was… he felt so angry at her, and so angry at him, even though he knew he had no right to be. Like he decided the night before, Hikaru could do whatever he wanted with his girlfriend, it was none of his business. Yet… the idea of her leaving such a mark on him… it turned his stomach for a reason he couldn’t place. 

Hikaru had stepped out of the bathroom again, one hand fingering the bruise idly, an embarrassed grin stretched across his red face. 

“Ah… yeah I guess it is… She said she wouldn’t leave anything but… gah this is embarrassing…” 

Kaoru scowled. 

_She said she wouldn’t leave anything. What did that mean?_

“Guess she lied then.” Kaorus scowl deepened, and he looked away, disgusted at the thought. 

“I’m sure she didn’t mean to.” Hikaru said in reply. “Besides, it’ll fade in a few days. Ill just make sure to wear a shirt everywhere til then.” 

“It’ll still be there though.” 

“Yeah? So? Its just a hickey Kaoru…” 

Kaoru snapped his neck back around to glower at his brother, his knuckles clenched so tight around the mattress they were turning white. A part of him knew it wasn’t fair to be acting so angrily towards Hikaru, but he couldn’t stop himself. 

“Just a hickey? Its not just a hickey, Hikaru! Its… its…” he floundered, trying to find a word that wasn’t completely ridiculous. 

_Disgusting? Dirty? Trampy?_

“Its what, Kaoru?” Hikaru was starting to get angry now, reacting to the hostility radiating off of his twin. “None of your business? What do you care if I have a hickey or not?” 

“What do I care?” Kaoru was on his feet now, his voice raised and shouting at his brother. “Of course I care! You’re my brother and that slut has gone and branded you! And you let her!” 

“You watch your mouth Kaoru, she is not a slut!” Hikaru was shouting now too, sending droplets of water from his still-wet hair out around him. “And saying she branded me? Who do you think you are? Its none of your business what I do and don’t do with other people!” 

Kaoru huffed out a breath in frustration. He knew Hikaru was right, yet he still felt angry. Angry and… hurt? Betrayed? Was that what he was feeling? He rubbed his hands over his eyes and through his hair, sitting heavily back down onto the bed. Why was he feeling betrayed? What was this? 

A moment passed before he spoke again, trying to sound calm but with a tremble in his voice. 

“Just go have your shower Hikaru. We have to go soon.” 

Hikaru didn’t say anything, he just turned on his heel and stomped back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.


	3. Chapter Three

Fights between the twins never lasted long normally, so by the time Hikaru was out of the shower and the boys were sitting in the back of the car ready to go home, his sour mood had almost completely evaporated. Truth be told though, Kaoru still felt edgy about the hidden mark under his brothers shirt, try as he might to let it go and move on. For the entire car trip home, hes eyes kept being drawn back to Hikarus shoulder, as if he could feel it there, radiating the evidence of Hikarus time away from him.

As stupid as that evidently was, even to Kaoru, no amount of normality from Hikaru would overshadow the unease tugging away at him. 

However, over the next two days, when the twins were home again, swapping out their summer bags for their school ones, getting their hair trimmed and their booklists sorted, Hikaru never once took off his shirt around his twin. Kaoru figured he was trying not to cause trouble between them, and he appreciated it, but it did little to ease the knot that had settled into his stomach. At night when Hikaru was sound asleep next to him, he was still able to brush his fingers over the dark, tender flesh beneath the thin cotton of his brothers night shirt, and wonder why it made him feel so… _raw_. By the time the first day of school rolled around, there were light smudges under his eyes where the sleepless nights had caught him, and he didn’t even last a week before Haruhi, a friend of the twins and a member of the host club, had picked up on it. 

“Kaoru! Walk with me to the music room?” 

The final bell had rung and the twins were packing their books away when Haruhi, who was in the same class, approached them. Kaoru looked to his brother, who, to his surprise, was regarding her almost resentfully . The look only lasted a split second though before Hikaru shrugged it off, and swung his bag around his shoulder. 

“Fine with me.” He said, walking towards the door. “I’ll meet you guys there, I have to make a phone call anyway.” 

Kaoru watched him go, his concern for his brothers aloofness quickly replaced with a surge of irritation. There was only one person he could think of that Hikaru would be calling right after school finished and he didn’t like it at all. 

Haruhi cleared her throat, dragging Kaorus attention back to her. One glance at her soft smile, and Kaoru could feel the tension ebbing away. Last year it seemed as though either he or Hikaru would end up dating her, but that wasn’t the way it panned out in the end. Kaoru at least had come to terms with it and they had settled into an easy friendship. He thought Hikaru had done the same, but now he wasn’t so sure. 

The two of them left the classroom, Kaoru waiting for Haruhi to break the silence, aware that she must have singled him out for a reason. 

“So, how did your summer end up? Do okay without him?” 

Kaoru half shrugged, half grimaced at her question. Of course, he had talked to her when Hikaru had run off over the summer, and of course that was what she wanted to talk about… but how was he going to talk about this? 

“Yeah, I guess so… thanks for listening to me about it Haru-chan.” 

“No, its fine, I completely understand!” 

She hesitated, something she didn’t usually do, and Kaoru glanced sideways at her, wondering if maybe summer wasn’t what she wanted to talk about. 

“So… is that why you’ve been kind of out of it this week?” her voice was innocent enough, but Hikaru was still taken aback. “You seem a bit distant, and you have rings under your eyes… everything okay?” 

Kaoru bit his lip, suddenly overcome with the urge to tell her everything. Everything he had been thinking, everything he had been feeling, the hurt, the anger, the betrayal, the confusion about why he was feeling the way he was… but he couldn’t. So he shrugged. 

“No… no it’s not that.” He feigned a chuckle. “It wasn’t _that_ bad being without him. I am capable of looking after myself you know.” 

Haruhi gave him a friendly nudge with her elbow. “Which is why I now have a massive phone bill to pay for.” 

“Ah… yeah I’ll pay that for you… sorry about that.” He shot her a grin and they fell silent again. Taking a breath, Kaoru decided to go for it. 

“There is something though…” If he worded it right, she wouldn’t suspect he was talking about Hikaru… “I um… theres actually this… _person_ who I’ve been talking with a lot, you know, over summer actually, and I don’t know I just… I don’t _like_ like them or anything, but I… well they go here and since we got back they haven’t really said two words to me and… they’ve been hanging out with someone else a lot and I don’t know I guess I don’t like it? I mean… I know I can’t say that, really, its not fair of me to feel like this since its not like… _romantic_ or anything, but I don’t know I saw them with a hickey yesterday and I just got really angry I mean… who _does_ that?” 

He knew he had gone too far, but he just couldn’t stop himself. 

“Who just _does_ that to someone you know? I mean, not only is it gross, its like, I thought we were hanging out and stuff, and then they just show up with this _injury_ and act like its all good and nothings happened and urgh I just… I know its not my place, that’s what gets me you know? I just… urgh I don’t know…” 

Kaoru trailed off as he felt his face burning under Haruhis patient gaze. He hadn’t realised it, but they had stopped in the middle of the now deserted hallway, and his hands were fists resting against his sides. He avoided meeting Haruhis eyes as he waited for her to reply, if she was even going to. 

She let out a murmur, and he subtly gritted his teeth. 

“Sounds to me like you do like them…” she shrugged, raising an eyebrow at him as his eyes flicked up to her face. “You know… _romantically_.” 

Kaorus mouth ran dry, knowing full well he was really talking about his twin brother. 

“No… no. I don’t I mean….” Kaoru was floundering now. “I just didn’t like them blowing me off like that, you know? I just… You know me I’ve only just started opening up to people. Maybe its always like this…” 

Haruhi just nodded, her eyebrow still raised, the corner of her mouth twisted up in a sly smile. 

“Mhmm, whatever you say…” she started walking again, leaving Kaoru to straggle after her. “But it sounds to me like you’re…” she dragged the word out teasingly. “… jealous. Jealous that this person is spending time with someone else and not you, and jealous that they were obviously in the position to get a hickey from someone else… sounds to me like you definitely have romantic feelings, Kaoru.” 

“I… well… no I mean…” Kaoru tried to find the words to defend himself, but the knot that had been sitting in his stomach all week was starting to grow tighter. Haruhi cut him off. 

“Do they make you happy when you see them?” 

“Well… yes... but-” 

“Do you think about them when they aren’t there?” 

“Well… yes, but-” 

“Does thinking about them with someone else make you angry, or upset?” 

Kaoru didn’t answer that one, opting instead to bite the inside of his cheek. Haruhi flashed him a grin. 

“I’m going to take that as a yes.” They had reached the music room, and her hand rested lightly on the door handle. “Kaoru, ultimately its up to you, but if you want my opinion, I’d say you have at least some sort of romantic feelings for this person. Just… think it over okay?” 

She turned towards the door, ready to open it and step through, but seemed to change her mind for a second, looking back over her shoulder to throw him a wicked grin Kaoru hadn’t seen from her before. 

“And if you really cant decide Kaoru…. Try thinking about them in the shower.” 

She flashed him a cheeky wink, pushed open the door and disappeared into the swirling rose petals, leaving Kaoru, thoroughly confused and, truth be told, slightly aroused, to stumble in her wake.


	4. Chapter Four

The next few days were a blur to Kaoru. He was able to keep it together just enough to pass as normal, in class and around others, but on the rare occasions he did find himself alone, he was an absolute mess. His mind kept going back to his conversation with Haruhi, and the things she had said about his feelings. Of course, she was wrong, she _had_ to be wrong. It just seemed that it was romantic because the twins had grown up so close, that’s all. Right?

The more he thought about it though, the faster his heart raced. More than once he’d caught himself staring across at his brother in class, involuntarily flushing with embarrassment for a reason he couldn’t place when he came to. While it was as easy as it had always been to act the devil in the host club, it was becoming harder and harder to revert back to normal when the day was done. He laughed a little too long, smiled a little too wide… or maybe he had always done that? He just couldn’t tell any more, and it threw him off balance.

Did he always touch Hikaru so much? Was it normal to stand so close? Was he just noticing it now that he thought about their every move, or was he trying too hard not to be obvious? Obvious about what though? These thoughts chased themselves around and around in his mind while his brother, and everyone else around them, remained blissfully unaware. Always though, always, his thoughts retraced themselves back to what Haruhi had said that day he confided in her.

Which was why he found himself gently creeping out of bed one night, careful not to wake his sleeping twin, and tiptoeing out of their room and down the hall to the guest bathroom. Of course the twins had their own en suit bathroom attached to their room, but Kaoru was far too nervous to risk the noise waking Hikaru. Not this time.

He shut and locked the door behind him, spinning around slowly to lean against the wood. He still hadn’t fully made up his mind about what he was going to do, but something that Haruhi had said had been haunting him at night, when he was too wired to sleep, and he simply couldn’t ignore it any more.

_“And if you really cant decide Kaoru… try thinking about them in the shower...”_

Part of him couldn’t believe he was even considering it, but with the thought came a twist in his gut that wasn’t exactly unpleasant, and it was that part that compelled him to finally slip out of bed.

He felt giddy, nervous, guilty… and excited. He hardly noticed what he was doing until the cool steam was swirling around his bare ankles and his mouth ran dry. He swallowed hard before he slipped off his boxers and stepped into the running water, head bowed against the heat.

The water seemed to waken him up a bit, pulling him out of his trance-like state. Was he really going to do this? The thought seemed absurd, Hikaru was his twin brother… and yet, he could still feel his heart beating in his chest.

Of course, masturbation was something Kaoru was well familiar with. He was a teenage boy after all, and almost every shower he took involved some kind of self-induced pleasure, usually over a pretty boy or girl in one of the magazines he kept stashed away in hiding. This was different though, this wasn’t just about a particularly appealing body in a center fold, this was Hikaru. This was embarrassing, nerve racking, shameful… _and he liked it._

Leaning his head against the cool tiles, he closed his eyes and, ignoring the small part of him that shouted to turn back, pictured his twin brother as he had been that day in the Host Club, mischievous and playful as they entertained their guests.

_This is wrong._

He swallowed nervously against the thought and carried on, remembering how Hikaru had pretended to hurt him with a seemingly careless comment. How he had turned gentle and caring, his slender fingers wrapping around Kaorus wrist and pulling him close…

 _What are you_ doing _Kaoru?!_

He blinked, shaking his head a little as his lips parted, unable to control the slight tremble that had crept over his body.

_Unable… or unwilling?_

He could almost feel Hikarus fingers on his skin again, but this time it wasn’t from the Host Club, it was from that very night, as the twins lay side by side in bed, Hikaru sleeping softly, unaware of how his hand trailed lightly over the skin of Kaorus stomach as he moved with his dreams. Kaoru had watched him, marvelling at the innocence and fragility of his brother in the moonlight, his thoughts reckless and uncontrolled.

In the shower, Kaoru could feel himself stirring, reacting to his thoughts, and his mind kicked into over drive. He was torn, so torn, half of him wanting to step over the edge, the other half riddled with shame and guilt that he could be having these thoughts over his own twin. His breath came in short gasps through his open mouth, and his chest heaved, heavy with anticipation and nerves. In his mind, he was roaring at himself to stop, but his body had been awakened, and there was a fire burning just beneath his skin, fighting desperately to break free and consume him.

Screwing his eyes shut, barely aware of what he was doing, he raised one had to trace a path over the tingling skin of his navel. His fingertips left flames where they ran, and he felt his heart pick up speed as they inched their way further down towards his hips. Pressing his forehead against the tiles, his lips parted, and he breathed his brothers name.

“Hi… karu…”

His skin burned beneath his hand, and he felt the familiar ache of desire radiating through his body. His fingers found his arousal and, hardly daring to believe his own actions, wrapped themselves around it, moving slowly, hesitantly. It was enough though, enough to cloud his better judgement and chase away the last remaining thoughts of sanity. All that remained in his mind was Hikaru, and the shameless desire he had been bottling up inside of him.

“Hikaru… _oh!”_

His eyes flew open wide as he was overtaken by desire so strong it shocked him. Every thought he had ever suppressed, every image he had ever conjured of his brother came roaring to life again, fanned by the flames of Kaorus desperate arousal. Every place on his body that Hikaru had ever touched screamed their memories, and Kaoru only begged for more. He braced himself against the wall with his free arm, unsteady under the onslaught of sensation, his head and shoulders bowed against the river of heat and steam that only fueled him on. A whimper escaped his lips between his battered breaths as he drew himself closer and closer to the edge, each stroke pushing his limits. In his mind it was only Hikaru and his soft, flawless skin, the curve of his lips, and the touch of his hand… the thought of his twin drove Kaoru wild with a desire he had never felt before.

“Oh my God… Hikaru… _ahh… Hikaru!_ ”

His heart was racing, his mind was reeling and his body was screaming as he pushed himself to orgasm. Jolts of bliss racked his frame and his breath came in shudders through trembling lips. His eyes were screwed shut as he swam in the ecstasy of his forbidden climax, one hand still slowly stroking himself, milking every last drop of pleasure he could from his shameful desire. Opening his eyes, he watched as the last trace of what he had just done was washed away down the drain, and the reality of it sent a sharp stab through his gut.

Dropping his hands to his sides, he slumped his back against the wall of the shower, sliding down slowly to sit under the stream of water. He loosely crossed his long legs as best he could in the confined space, and rested his head against the tiles, his mind finally quiet, although he could feel reality not far off, waiting to overtake him. For the moment though, he was empty, distant from those thoughts, distant from the world, content to just sit in the shower and let the water wash him away.

Unaware of how long he had been sitting there, Kaoru finally reached up to turn off the water. As if in a daze, still unwilling to let his situation catch up to him, he dried himself off, put on his boxers and snuck back up the hall to where his brother was still asleep. Back in bed, Kaoru listened to Hikarus steady breathing, felt his heat gently radiating from his skin, and knew that Haruhi had been right.

That night, Kaoru slept peacefully for the first time since they had returned from summer break.


	5. Chapter Five

Life was surprisingly normal after Kaorus little stunt in the shower. The next day dawned bright, and he awoke with his big brother draped around him like usual, until he woke him up and they prepared for school, like usual, right through to when they were in the music room, entertaining their guests, just like usual. In fact, every day went by in that manner, running smoothly with absolutely no indication that Kaoru had gotten his rocks off to the thought of his twin brother in the shower, something he was sure those around him would frown upon were they to ever find out. Frankly speaking, it threw him for a loop.

One thing that had changed, however, was his awareness of himself. Outwardly, Kaoru seemed to just be Kaoru, acting cheeky, playing the part, but inside, he was in constant over drive, hyper aware of every action, every word, constantly fretting that one little slip up would give him away. No longer able to deny his attraction to Hikaru, he desperately tried to bury it, shove it down, hoping that ignoring it would make it go away. What else was he supposed to do? It was all fun and games in the host club, but out in real life, twin on twin action was probably not the best of ideas. Plus, if Hikaru found out anything at all, Kaoru was certain it would break their bond forever, and that would completely devastate him. No, he just had to grit his teeth and bare it until it passed.

He could still look though, right?

It was a bright Sunday afternoon, and the twins were in their bedroom, text books open, phones off, various papers spread out around them. Kaoru sat cross-legged on the edge of their bed, while Hikaru opted for the floor beneath him, lying across the pillows he’d arranged under his chest. Hikarus eyes were trained determinedly on his work, his brow furrowed, pen between his teeth. Kaoru however…

It was a warm day, so both boys had abandoned their shirts, and from his vantage point above Hikaru, Kaoru had a brilliant view of his brothers bare muscles, taught and lean beneath his perfect skin. The way his shoulder blades moved every time Hikaru turned a page or jotted a note, how his copper hair shone in the sunlight… Kaoru couldn’t focus on his work when such perfection was mere feet from him. He still felt guilty for fantasising over Hikaru, but he just couldn’t keep his eyes away. Every day since his true feelings were awoken, he’d noticed more and more about his brother that he hadn’t thought twice about in the past. From his delicate collar bones, to the way his bottom lip curved when he smiled, even the way his hip bones jutted out _just_ enough to create a tempting little triangle of open space between his pants and his skin. And the more he noticed, the less he understood.

“Hikaru, have you ever wondered why its so hard for others to tell us apart?”

Hikaru looked up at Kaoru from the floor, his brow slightly furrowed.

“I always thought that it might have something to do with the fact that we’re identical, but maybe there’s something I’m missing…”

Kaoru rolled his eyes and sighed at his twins wicked grin.

“Are we really though?” he shifted, suddenly nervous, as Hikaru hoisted himself off the floor, sitting down next to him, the grin from before now gone. “I mean, when you look at me, is it the same to you as looking in a mirror?”

A moment of silence passed as Kaoru stared at his hands, waiting for Hikarus reply, inwardly wondering if he should have just kept quiet.

“Is it for you?”

Without thinking, Kaoru lifted his head to face his brother, and lost his breath because of it. Hikarus bright golden eyes were mere inches from his, his beautiful face set in a mask of soft confusion, a sight Kaoru was unprepared for. His mouth ran dry as he struggled to keep a hold of himself, while every thought of his brother he had had over the past few weeks bombarded his mind. Looking at Hikaru like this, it was hard to believe they were even twins. Of course it wasn’t like looking into a mirror, how could it be, when Hikaru was so utterly perfect, and he was… just not?

“Kaoru?”

Hikarus voice cut through his confusion, and he swallowed hard before answering in a pitch just a little too high.

“Uh, yeah I guess it is.” He ruffled the hair on the back of his neck and grinned sheepishly, a nervous habit of his. “You’re right, we are identical and all… just forget I said anything.”

Hikaru cocked his head ever so slightly to the side, regarding his brother with an unreadable expression. Kaorus heart raced as he waited for Hikaru to say something insulting so they could return to their homework, wishing that his brother hadn’t noticed anything to give his perverted thoughts away, and just believed he was being an idiot again.  Hikaru, however, had a different idea.

Kaorus stomach flipped as Hikarus hand came to rest softly on his cheek. Kaorus own hand came to rest automatically on his brothers, but whether out of habit, shock or desire he couldn’t tell. He felt his eyes widen under Hikarus pensive gaze as his already racing heart kicked into over drive. _What was Hikaru playing at?_

After what felt like an eternity, Hikaru spoke, his voice hushed and raw.

“Its not like looking in a mirror to me. How could it be?”

Kaorus skin burned beneath his brothers touch.

“Hi…karu?”

Hikaru edged closer to Kaoru on the bed, laying his other hand on his brothers hip. Kaoru felt as if he was going to combust into flames, still utterly at a loss as to what has happening. Was Hikaru about to confess to the same internal struggle Kaoru had been concealing, or was this a game to him? Kaoru began to tremble as his brothers fingertips brushed lightly against his skin.

“Kaoru… I never understood it either. They say we’re exactly alike but… we’re not… It’s so obvious to me.”

Hikarus hand had now reached Kaorus ribs, and Kaoru could not conceal his reactions any longer. He trembled, he gasped, his hand curled over his brothers as it made its way down the tender skin of his neck and came to rest on his naked collar bone, completely unabashed and unforgiving. Their faces were so close now that Kaoru could taste his brothers sweet breath in his open mouth.

“Is it not obvious to you… Kaoru?”

He could barely gather enough concentration to reply, and his voice shook weakly.

“It is… I… I think so too…”

His words were cut off when the hand on his chest suddenly flattened out and pushed against his ribs. In one smooth movement, Hikaru had shoved Kaoru back onto the mattress and swung his leg over his brothers hips, straddling him and leaning close. All coherent thought had fled Kaorus mind as he stared up at the perfect face above him, so unlike his own he could have laughed at everyone who had ever gotten them confused. Kaoru was _nothing_ compared to his God-like brother. To hell with DNA and identical twins, he would never be as beautiful as Hikaru was to him.

“Shhh Kaoru, its okay.” Hikarus quiet voice brushed against Kaorus ear, making him realise he had been talking out loud. His face flushed and his lips parted as he felt Hikaru run a hand through his hair. “You think I’m God like?”

Kaoru nodded his head, too stunned at what was happening to speak. Hikaru just flashed a smile and traced his fingertips over his brothers heated skin.

“Oh Kaoru, how could I be a God when I’m standing next to you?”

Kaoru started to protest, but Hikaru laid a finger on his lips, pushing his pulse to hyper speed.

“Shh Kaoru, please…” The pleading note in Hikarus voice made Kaoru whine beneath his brothers touch. “It’s always been you…” the fingers over Kaorus mouth splayed out to stroke his cheek. “You’ve always been the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen… its unforgivable that they don’t see that… that they liken you to me…”

Hikaru screwed his eyes shut and turned his head away as he sat up, dropping his hands to his sides in conflicted pain. Kaoru rose to lean on his elbows, completely enraptured by the look of glorious sorrow on his brothers face. To hear his exact thoughts echoed by Hikaru was… incredible. The elation he felt at having his feelings for his brother reflected back at him were being equally matched by the terrifying anticipation of what he thought was the only thing that could come next. Were they really going to cross that line? The thought maddened him with lustful fear as he drank in the sight of Hikaru’s conflicted passion in front of him.

Slowly, Hikaru turned to gaze at his brother again, his trembling hand reaching out to caress the bare skin of Kaorus chest. Kaoru matched his twins grace as he sat upright, one arm snaking deliberately around his waist to pull Hikarus own naked chest flush against his. They were so close now, their lips barely an inch apart, Kaoru longingly gazing up at Hikaru like he had done so many times before during their act. But this wasn’t an act, not this time.

Hikarus sweet, sweet breath washed over Kaorus skin as he breathed his name from between his trembling lips.

“Kaoru…”

“Hikaru…”

Kaoru started to tilt his head, closing the gap between them that felt like a chasm.

“We should use this in the Host Club…”

Kaoru froze. What? What had Hikaru just said? The Host Club?

An icy chill swallowed Kaoru whole as the reality of what Hikaru meant hit him. He lifted his eyes to Hikarus, and felt a stab in his gut at the wicked grin he knew so well plastered over his brothers face.

It wasn’t real. It was an act. His brother had been playing out an idea, that’s all. It’s something they had done hundreds of times before in fact. Getting struck by a new idea they could use in the Club and acting it out to see if it would work.

Hikaru sat back on Kaorus thighs, completely unaware of what he had just done to his brother.

“I guess maybe cut out some of the more touchy-feely parts, that was me getting carried away looking for content, but can you imagine what it’ll do to our clients? Ha!”

Kaoru didn’t respond. He couldn’t respond. He was too angry. He felt hurt, betrayed, stupid, oh _so stupid._ How could he possibly have let himself get so caught up in that? Of course it wasn’t real, it was never real, it never _could_ be real. It _should_ never be real.

Hikaru started laughing, delighted at the prospect of a new show to put before the ladies, still sitting back on Kaorus knees. Kaoru looked up at him, all feelings of wonderment gone, replaced by anger, embarrassment and most of all, shame. Before he could stop himself, he sat up and forcefully shoved his brother off his lap and onto the floor.

“Ah! Idiot! Don’t get so close, its weirding me out!” Kaorus face flushed and he couldn’t look Hikaru in the eye. Hikaru grinned up at him, unfazed by the sudden outburst. His face turned sly as he mocked his twin.

“But Kaoru, I want to be close to you…”

Kaoru rolled his eyes and stood up, stepping over his brother as he headed towards the bathroom. Hikaru turned to watch him.

“Kaoru, I’m only joking around sheesh!”

Kaoru waved a hand over his shoulder, not turning to look at him.

“Yeah, yeah whatever. I’m having a shower. Gotta get your stink off me.”

Hikaru was still laughing to himself as Kaoru slammed the bathroom door behind him, shaking uncontrollably with an emotion he couldn’t place. Rejection? Betrayal? Pain? He just didn’t know.

Kaorus fist came down on the bathroom bench, tears he was unable to hold back welling in his eyes. He fought to control his angry sobbing, still aware that Hikaru was just in the next room, causing his body to shake and tremble. He wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened, but one thing he did know, was that something had to change. He couldn’t go on like this.

Something just had to give. 


	6. Chapter Six

His anger didn’t subside. He snapped, he glowered, he averted his eyes every time Hikaru came near. He couldn’t help it, he had this feeling of contempt bubbling just under his skin that he couldn’t calm down. The rejection he’d felt would not leave him, and with each passing day it fed the resentment building inside of him. Often, when the twins were alone, he would find some excuse to leave the room, leave the house, anything just to get away from Hikaru, not even caring if it was having an effect on his brother. Not caring enough to notice.

He leant on Haruhi, during school and in the afternoons, ranting and raving to her about whatever nonsense he could articulate without drawing attention to the real issue, venting his pent up emotion as best he could without giving himself away. He directed his anger towards teachers, classmates, even his own parents, anywhere as long as he didn’t mention Hikaru, something that drove him wild with frustration. All he really wanted to do was grab his twin by the shoulders and shake him senseless. Or kiss him. It varied from hour to hour, which also played a part in his maddening irritation. He was losing control of himself, and he was powerless to stop it.

“Kaoru! Stop!”

It was lunch time at Ouran, and he and Haruhi were once again sitting in a vacant classroom. Hikaru was nowhere to be seen, and truth be told, Kaoru hadn’t even noticed him leaving. Haruhi was standing behind her desk, her fingers splayed on the wood where she had pushed herself to her feet, her eyes glaring daggers at Kaorus pouting face. She had just interrupted one of his rants, having finally had enough.

“Kaoru, you need to talk to Hikaru, this is getting ridiculous.”

Kaoru was taken aback. He was sure he hadn’t even mentioned his twin, so why was she bringing him up?

“What about Hikaru? He’s got nothing to do with this.”

Haruhi sighed, sitting back down to lay her head in her hands.

“Kaoru, cant you see whats happening here?” She lifted her gaze to his, radiating that sudden calmness she always seemed to have. “I don’t know whats really going on with you, since you seem absolutely determined not to tell me, but I’m sure it involves him. You guys have hardly even _looked_ at each other in days, its affecting the rest of us.”

Kaoru shifted his eyes to the floor, his brow furrowing deeper. Of course Haruhi saw right through him, she always had.

“It’s not something I can talk to him about.”

“Which is probably the problem.” Haruhi got up and walked over to where he was sitting on the windowsill, taking a place next to him gently. “You two have always been so close. Whatever happened must be really terrible if you think you cant talk to him about it. Are you sure you don’t want to talk to me?”

Kaorus head snapped back and he caught her gaze, an almost overwhelming urge to confess everything surging through him. His breath caught momentarily, but he managed to swallow hard and force it down, his face reddening as he turned away, staying silent.

Haruhi sighed.

“Kaoru just… try.” She got up, walking back to her desk and gathering her things. “He talks to me too you know, and he’s actually worried about you. We all are.”

Kaoru just watched her go.


	7. Chapter Seven

That night, after dinner, the twins were together in their room, Hikaru reading a manga on the bed and Kaoru doodling idly at his desk across the room. There were only two small lamps on, one with each brother, and the lamp shades flung dramatic shadows through the air. To Kaoru at least, the tension was almost palpable as he sat twirling his pencil through his fingers, his feet restless on the floor boards. Haruhis words from that afternoon drifted through his mind, and his features were set into a menacing scowl.

_“Kaoru just… try.”_

It wasn’t that easy though. What was he meant to say? _“Oh, Hikaru by the way, I know we’re twins and all, but I really want to make out with you right now.”_ Yeah that would go down a treat. He tapped his pencil lightly on the desk, the scribbles he’d drawn echoing the mess in his mind. Growling under his breath, he scrunched up the paper and lobbed it at the bin.

“Kaoru, if you’re not going to talk to me, could you at least keep it down so I can read?”

Kaoru glanced across the room at his brother, who was staring determinedly at the page in front of him, even though his eyes weren’t moving with the words. Even in the low light Kaoru could see Hikarus strained muscles from where he was holding his book too tight, and he knew Hikaru was feeling just as tense as he was. Scowling, Kaoru turned his eyes back to the desk, tapping his pencil just a little bit harder on the desk.

“I’m hardly making any noise at all. Maybe you’re just bad at concentrating.”

From the corner of his eye Kaoru saw Hikarus mouth twist up in a grimace, and he couldn’t stop his own from smirking with satisfaction. A moment passed between them, Kaorus pencil still tapping, Hikarus eyes still staring a hole into his page. Neither twin wanted to be the first to speak and admit that defeat.

Eventually, Hikaru caved, closing his book and slamming it down onto the mattress with just a little too much force.

“Kaoru, seriously, tell me whats wrong.”

Kaoru shot him a glance. He hadn’t expected his brother to be so forward. Regardless, he merely shrugged and tapped his pencil.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hikaru growled.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Kaoru could feel the anger starting to build in his brothers voice, and his own blood reacted in kind. “Do you know how awkward it is for me at school when you’re acting like this? Everyones coming to me asking about you, and I cant answer them, so whatever it is, spit it out!”

“Oh right, of course, everyone goes to you to ask about me, how typical.” Kaoru rolled his eyes, squinting determinedly at his pencil hitting the desk. “If you’re that embarrassed just tell them to ask me. They wont, but you wont care about that.”

“Of course I care!” Hikaru was getting louder now, perched right on the edge of the bed, as if ready to spring. “Why do you think I’m asking you now? Because I care about you and I want to know whats got you like this!”

Kaoru bit the inside of his cheek, anger rolling off him in waves. Some part of him knew he was being irrational and not handling the situation at all well, but a larger part of him just didn’t care.

Releasing his cheek, he stood up, feigning nonchalance.

“I’m going to have a shower, try to calm down before I get back Hikaru.”

He turned to leave, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, but stopped at his brothers next words.

“Oh right, fine! Leave!” Hikaru was on his feet now, shouting at Kaorus retreating back, his voice shaking with emotion. “That’s what you always do these days isn’t it, you just leave!”

Kaoru spun around, infuriated. All the anger that had been swelling just below the surface broke free of the dam that had been holding it back.

“Don’t you _dare_ get mad at me for leaving Hikaru! You’re the one who left _me_ first!”

Hikaru jerked back, surprised and confused by his brothers outburst.  

“What the hell are you talking about, I never left you?”

Kaorus mind screamed at him to stop, but he’s anger wasn’t listening.

“You did! Last summer! You left me and ran off with that girl you hardly even knew!” He was shaking now, breathing hard.

Hikarus rage couldn’t be stopped either, and he took an angry step forward.

“I only did that because…” he caught himself, planting his foot down mid stride, visibly biting his tongue. Whatever he wanted to say, Kaoru knew he had to force it out.

“Because what, Hikaru? Because I was boring? Because you didn’t want to be around me any longer?” he could feel tears welling in his eyes, and he fought them desperately, unwilling to let his anger turn to anguish. “Because she was better than me?”

“Because you were ignoring me Kaoru!”

Hikarus voice roared through the room, crashing into Kaoru like a tidal wave. Kaoru could see the pain he felt inside himself reflected plainly on his brothers face as he struggled to understand. He blinked away tears and gasped for breath through parted lips as he tried to think of something to say. Before he could though, Hikaru continued, a pleading note replacing the anger in his voice.

“You spent all your time on the phone to Haruhi… you were ignoring me and… and when you did talk to me it was Haruhi this and Haruhi that and I… I got jealous.” Hikarus face was awash with unhidden tears now as Kaoru stared at him, uncomprehending. “I wanted to make you jealous… I wanted to… I wanted to do to you what you were doing to me…”

“Hikaru… what are you talking about? Haruhi?”

_Do to me what I was doing to him?_

“Haruhis just a friend Hikaru… you went off with a stranger and…” The memory of that summer was burning into the forefront of his mind again. The nights spent alone, the constant babble about her from Hikaru…

The hickey…

That did it. Remembering the mark she left on his brothers skin ignited the flames of hatred and anger inside him once more, and he bared his teeth at his twin in rage. Hikaru had turned meek, his face wet, a mask of desperation and pleading. Kaoru was on fire.

“How can you say what you did was on par with what I did, Hikaru? You were a hundred times worse, a thousand!”

“I just wanted your attention back! It felt like you didn’t even know I was there!”

“ _You_ slept _with her!”_

Hikaru shook his head, his hands reaching out towards Kaoru.

“No… no I…”

Kaoru spun around, ignoring his brothers begging, and reached for the door. Just as his hand hit the handle, Hikaru gave a cry behind him.

“Kaoru! Don’t leave me!”

The room fell eerily silent as Hikarus words hung in the air. Kaoru could feel his heart beating madly in his chest as he heard the soft _thud_ that was Hikaru hitting the floor. Quiet sobs floated around his ringing ears in the otherwise silent night, and his hand shook on the handle. He was torn.

An eternity seemed to pass in which Kaoru stood frozen in place, and Hikaru sobbed uncontrollably on the floor. Around them, the night had grown still and quiet, the shadows on the walls unmoving, watching the scene with a morbid curiosity. In time, Kaoru could take it no longer, and turned slowly to face his brother, his heart wrenching at the sight of his crumpled form.

Hikarus legs had given out and folded beneath him. His hands were splayed on the wooden boards as he hunched over, his weeping making stains on the polish beneath him. His head was bowed, but Kaoru didn’t need to see his face to know the anguish that was etched there. A sudden feeling of absolute despair washed over him, driving away all the anger he had felt, replacing it with guilt and grief. As if by their own accord, his legs carried him across the room to where his brother wept, and he fell gracefully down to the floor.

“Don’t leave me… please don’t… don’t leave me again…”

Kaoru reached out a hand to touch Hikarus cheek, tracing his fingertips lightly over the skin to his jaw. Cupping his brothers chin in his fingers, he tilted his head up, wanting desperately to see his twins eyes, his body trembling with anticipation of what he was going to see in them.

It took his breath away. Hikarus face was wet with tears, his cheeks flushed pink, his bottom lip swollen with bite marks. His eyes were the worst. Gleaming, raw, a silent, tortured cry hidden behind thick, sodden lashes. Every ill thought, every morsel of anger and resentment Kaoru had felt towards his brother since summer ended hit him at once, like a stab to the gut. He felt sorrow paint his own features with the same mask Hikaru wore as they stared into each others eyes for nothing short of an age.

Hikaru swallowed, his hand coming to rest over Kaorus, still cupped under his chin.

“Kaoru… I… I’m sor…”

Kaoru didn’t let him finish. His hand shot around the back of Hikarus neck, and pulled him into his arms, holding him tight against his chest. What had he done to his brother? What had he done…

“Shh Hikaru, its alright, I’m here… I’m here Hikaru its alright…” he murmured, “I’ll never leave you again, I promise.”

Hikarus hands found Kaorus shoulders and he pushed him back just enough to see his face. Kaoru could see his words had ignited a spark of hope in his brothers eyes, but the pain was still there, just enough of it to twist the knife in his gut. His eyes roamed Hikarus face, from his wild hair down over his glistening eyes, to his quivering lips… so close… so open…

It was like a dream. One minute, Kaoru was comforting his brother, holding him in his arms and the next, he was tasting his lips, salty and swollen from his raw passion. He could feel Hikarus shock beneath his mouth, but he couldn’t pull away, couldn’t hold back the longing that had been awoken in his moment of vulnerability. He needed to taste him, to feel him, to take him.

Too soon, Hikaru had gained control of himself and pulled back, his hands shoving at Kaorus shoulders. Kaorus breath came fast and heavy through flared nostrils as his glowing eyes and parted lips screamed of passion and desire. Hikaru wore a mask of shock and confusion, his own eyes wide and uncomprehending. Neither twin said a word as they sat knee to knee, one aflame with lust and longing, the other awash with surprise.

Time dragged on, and with each passing second Kaorus heart beat faster. What had he done? What had he done, what had he done, _what had he done?_ He swallowed hard, his desire turning to panic as Hikaru sat still and silent. His mind kick started into over drive. _What had he done?!_

“Hikaru…” his voice cracked, a note of pleading ringing through. “Hikaru I… I…”

Hikaru launched himself forward, and their mouths collided like meteors, their passion burning stars into Kaorus closed eyes. He could feel Hikarus fingers seeking his skin, and he reached his own hands out to grab his brothers shirt, his hair, anything he could reach. His mind was racing, craving, needing the touch of Hikarus skin, fuelled on by the response he had been wanting for such a long time.

He felt Hikarus hands tug at the hem of his shirt, and he pulled back obediently to let him wrench it over his head, immediately returning the favour. He sat back on his calves, snaking one arm around Hikarus waist to pull him forward, making him straddle his knees, their bare chests pressed together. Kaoru craned his neck upwards, his mouth desperately seeking Hikarus, his hands running roughly over the skin of his brothers back.

Kaorus eyes flew open as Hikaru wrenched his mouth away, pushing himself off Kaorus lap and back onto the floor. They were both panting hard, their skin slick with a sheen of sweat, their hair tousled and knotted. Kaorus wild eyes sought his brothers face, but Hikaru had his head bowed, his chest heaving. Slowly, he raised his head to look at Kaoru.

“Kaoru… what are we doing?” his voice trembled, his body shook.

“I don’t know…”  A pause. “Should we stop?”

“I don’t want to…”

Neither twin moved, the reality of their actions settling over them like mist. Hikaru averted his gaze, staring at the floor like it would open up and tell them what to do. Kaoru bowed his head, his mind racing too fast to grasp any coherent thought.

He heard a _thwump_ and flicked his eyes to his brother, who had lain back on the cool floor boards, his arms out stretched, his eyes staring at the roof. Quietly, Kaoru crawled over and lay down beside him, hesitantly resting his head on his brothers shoulder. To his pleasant surprise, Hikaru bent his arm around Kaorus shoulders, pulling him closer. Neither knew how long they stayed like that, Hikarus arm around Kaoru, Kaorus fingers resting hesitantly on Hikarus chest, listening to his heartbeat, both twins staring into space.

Eventually, Hikaru broke the silence.

“Its just kissing, right?”

A snort of surprised amusement forced its way out of Kaoru at his brothers words. Shyly, he tilted his head up to look at Hikarus face.

“Yeah, just kissing.” A moment of silence passed before he continued. “Is that… is that okay?”

Hikaru sat up, pulling Kaoru up with him.

“I don’t know…”

Kaoru watched as Hikaru got to his feet, holding out a hand to him. Taking it, he let Hikaru pull him up, his heart skipping a beat when he didn’t let go of him. He let Hikaru lead him over the bed, turning off the desk lamp on the way, and curled up under the doona, his head once again resting in the crook of his twins shoulder. Not another word was uttered between them, and Kaoru soon fell into sleep.


	8. Chapter Eight

Things were getting ridiculous.

Once again, Kaorus hands had run their way around his brothers thighs, curling beneath him so he could lift him onto the empty desk. Hikaru had hooked his ankles around Kaorus waist, dragging him forwards, forcing their hips together. One hand he had to hold behind him to keep them both upright, but the other was knotted in his brothers hair as their mouths moved urgently against one another, clumsy and passionate. Their uniforms were in disarray, their jackets open, their shirts untucked, but they hardly cared, the only thing on either of their minds was the other brothers lips beneath theirs.

It was lunch hour at the high school, and as they had been almost every day since the truth had come out, they were in a disused classroom across campus, all searching hands and desperate mouths. Neither Hikaru nor Kaoru had been able to keep their hands off their twin in the recent week, and after every time they gave in, they would fix themselves up and agree that was the last time, they needed to stop and it wouldn’t happen again. At least, not until they got home anyway.

Kaorus hands had found his brothers skin under his shirt, and he ran them up his sides and over his back, his nails ever so slightly digging into Hikarus tender flesh. His mouth abandoned his brothers as one hand freed itself from Hikarus shirt to curl around his nape, grabbing his hair and pulling his head back so his lips could attack the delicate skin of his neck. He heard Hikaru give a small moan of pleasure as his mouth kissed and sucked a soft trail down to his brothers collar, stopping only to tug lightly at the fabric with his teeth in faint frustration. Hikaru pulled back from Kaoru, his fingers running from where they were knotted in Kaorus hair, down his jaw to tilt his head back up, his mouth desperate to reunite with his brothers. Kaoru, however, gently twisted his chin out of Hikarus grasp, a wicked smile tugging at his lips.

In one swift move, Kaoru had pulled Hikarus supporting arm out from under him, and lowered him quickly, but gently, back onto the desk. Kaoru watched his brothers eyes grow wide, his wet mouth open in surprise, watching as Kaorus hands work their way up his torso, undoing the buttons of his shirt as they went, his fingertips trailing lightly over his skin as they parted the fabric. By the time he had reached the last button of his collar, Hikaru was trembling, his eyes screwed shut against the torturous sensation. Kaoru revelled in the sight in front of him, thrilled that Hikaru seemed to be enjoying the new adventure as much as he was. Neither of them had done anything like this before, and he was both incredibly nervous and excited, wanting to see how far he could push his brother, but not wanting to over step the line.

He popped the button open and let his fingers push the now open shirt back to reveal the sweet skin of Hikarus shoulders. He leant forward, wanting to taste him, to brush his lips over the hollow of his clavicle and the gently arching ribs that were rising and falling with Hikarus bated breath, but in his movement, Hikaru had slid too far back on the desk, and Kaorus lips barely managed to clear his navel. Kaoru let out a menacing growl, drawing his hands down Hikarus sides in order to grab his hips and pull him closer, but before he could he noticed that Hikaru had grown alarmingly tense.

Pausing with his mouth mere millimetres from his brothers taught skin, Kaoru tilted his head just enough to glance up at Hikarus face. On the way, he noticed his brothers hands had curled into fists on the desk, and his breathing had turned to heavy panting. His eyes were shut tight, his neck strained, his bottom lip swollen from being bitten between gasps for air. His resolve wavered. Had he gone too far? He started to raise his head, his lip between his teeth with nerves, but he was stopped as one of Hikarus hands grabbed the back of his head.

“Hikaru..?”

“No, don’t stop, please…”

Kaoru was shocked. Time seemed to stand still as Hikarus pleading words swam around in his mind. Then… chaos. Overdrive. His heart raced and his blood boiled as his passion returned tenfold. His fingers dug into Hikarus hips as his lips found their mark on his skin. He felt Hikarus muscles quiver beneath his mouth as he kissed, licked and sucked greedily along under his ribs, giddy with excitement, wanting to devour every inch of his brothers body. His tongue flicked and his teeth lightly grazed as he dared venture further down towards his brothers hips, teasing the tender flesh, drinking up the sound of Hikaru moaning under his touch. His hands raked white lines over Hikarus skin as his brother arched his back off the desk, his knees squeezing into Kaorus sides as his mouth crawled closer and closer to the waistband of his pants.

Kaoru was beside himself. He was so close now his tongue could taste the tang of the metal zipper, and his cheek could feel his brothers pulsing arousal through the material, which drove his own body wild. His breath was as erratic as his heartbeat as he scrambled to think of what to do. Should he go further? Did he want to? Did Hikaru want him to? Ah, it was too much!

Gritting his teeth, he finally pulled back, his eyes desperately searching for Hikarus, hoping his brother would give him an answer. Hikaru pushed himself up on his elbows, and Kaoru groaned when it became clear Hikaru was just as lost as he was, his mouth open, his eyes shining gloriously.

Silently, hesitantly, Kaorus fingertips curled against Hikarus hip, sliding just under the waistband of his pants. Hikaru wet his lips and swallowed, but didn’t try to stop his twin, whos fingers were slowly edging deeper and deeper, sliding towards the centre button. Kaoru gasped under his breath as his thumb hit the plastic, instantly feeling how easy it would be to slip his nail under the button and pop it open.  He held his brothers gaze, the tension in the air so thick he could taste it. He hesitated…

The clock tower bell rang out from across the courtyard, signalling the end of the lunch hour. The noise seemed to shatter the very air around them as they were brought roaring back to reality. Hikarus knees went slack and he sat upright on the desk, Kaoru quickly withdrew his hand, straightening up and taking a step back. Both twins averted their eyes awkwardly, hyper aware of what had almost happened between them. Silently, they tidied themselves up, Hikaru re-buttoning his shirt, Kaoru straightening his jacket and trying in vain to tame his hair with his hands. Hikaru gave his own hair a ruffle before shrugging and turning to his brother.

“The usual then Kaoru?” he said, only half-teasing. “Not going to happen again and all that?”

Kaoru grinned despite the atmosphere, glad his brother was able to crack a joke.

“Mmm, is there really a point to saying that anymore?”

Together, they stepped out into the hallway, heading back towards their classroom on the other side of the campus. Although neither twin said anything about what had just happened, a slight echo of tension still hung in the air between them. Kaoru risked a quick side glance at Hikaru and was relieved to see no sign of stress in his features. What was even better though, was the hesitant touch of his fingers on his palm, as Hikaru discreetly sought his hand to hold. Kaoru couldn’t stop himself from smiling as their fingers close around one another, and he gave his brothers hand a gentle squeeze. Together, they walked hand in hand back to class. 


	9. Chapter Nine

“Haruhi said we seemed a lot better today.”

Night had fallen over the city, and the twins were relaxing together in their room. Hikaru sat propped up against the pillows on their bed while Kaoru curled up beside him, his head resting gently in this brothers lap. Hikaru was idly running his fingers though Kaorus hair, staring off into space, content to be lost in his thoughts.

“Mmm? I guess we are a lot better…” Kaorus eyes were closed as he enjoyed the touch of his brothers hand. Both twins seemed to have moved on from the events of that afternoon during lunch hour, or at least neither of them had brought it up. In hindsight, even Kaoru didn’t think it was as big of a deal as it had seemed at the time.

Hikaru laid his head back on the headboard, running his hand down to Kaorus shoulder. Kaorus brow knitted slightly as he opened his eyes, turning around on the bed to look up at his brother.

“We are better, right Hikaru?”

“I guess so…” Hikaru seemed far away, staring at the roof, his hand still on Kaorus chest as silence fell between them.

_Maybe he has been thinking about what I did today…_

Kaoru grew worried, unsure as to whether he should say something or not. The minutes ticked by, and his unease grew.

“Hikaru..?”

Kaoru made to sit up, but the movement seemed to knock his brother out of whatever daze he had been in, and the hand on his chest gently pushed him back down onto his lap, his fingertips tracing lazy circles over his shirt. Kaoru relaxed a bit, but the tension under his skin remained.

“Don’t you think what we are doing is a little… not right? Like… is it really okay?”

Kaoru bit his lip. Neither of them had really questioned their actions since it started… or at least, not to one another anyway. Of course there had been times when Kaoru had been torn between the rights and wrongs of it in his own mind, but he hadn’t had the nerve to say anything to his brother. He averted his eyes, a slight blush warming his cheeks.

“I… I don’t know…”

He felt Hikaru move beneath him and flicked his eyes up again. Hikaru was leaning forward over Kaoru, still in his lap, his hair falling gracefully over dazed and pensive eyes. Kaoru felt his heart kick in his chest. His brother was absolutely beautiful.

“I don’t think it could be okay by anyones standards really…” his voice was soft, gentle.  Kaoru was breathless.

“Since when have we cared about anyones standards but our own?”

Hikaru threw his head back and laughed loudly, surprising Kaoru, making him that much more tense. He’d seen Hikaru act like this before of course, but there was something different this time… he couldn’t put his finger on it, and it made him nervous.

Hikaru stopped laughing and looked back down at his brother, his head tilted, his lips pulled back in a grin. The hand on Kaorus chest slid over his shirt and up his neck to curl around his cheek as he regarded his brother with sparkling eyes.

“You’re right, Kaoru. It’s always been just you and me hasn’t it? Why should that stop now?”

“Hikaru…” Kaoru pushed himself up, gently pushing away Hikarus hand. “Why are you talking like this?”

Hikaru sat forward, curling his legs beneath him so he was sitting on his knees facing his brother, his eyes not leaving Kaorus face. His features were suddenly serious, his gaze direct, boring straight into his twin. Kaoru swallowed nervously, as Hikarus hand once again found his cheek, his thumb stroking softly in the hollow of his jaw.

“I guess I’m just trying to convince myself that it’s okay…” Kaoru tried to cut him off, but Hikaru moved his fingers to his lips, silencing him. “… to want you like I did this afternoon.”

Kaoru gazed at his brother, stunned.

“I… I didn’t want you to stop Kaoru… I wasn’t thinking… I didn’t care… I just wanted to feel more of you…”

Hikarus fingers curled under his brothers chin, and Kaoru let himself be pulled forward so their lips could meet. He was still stunned, still utterly lost in Hikarus words, and he barely felt himself move as he slid closer on the bed, trying unconsciously to get as near to his twin as he could. He could feel Hikarus hands on his skin, under his shirt, his nails dragging softly over his flesh, but it was like a dream to him. His mind was blank, shocked, uncomprehending.

“Kaoru…”

Hikaru murmured his name against his lips, bringing Kaoru back to earth. He felt Hikarus passion on his mouth, and his lips parted, letting their kisses deepen. His eyes closed and he gave himself over to the desire he could feel building inside him. Of course, he’d felt it before when he wrapped himself around his twin, but there was something different, something in the air around them that crackled like static. He couldn’t focus, he couldn’t keep up.

Hikaru didn’t seem to be under the same tension. He was full of passion, full of lust, his hands searching Kaorus heated body while his tongue explored his wet mouth.  He was leaning forward, forcing Kaoru back little by little, until they lost balance and went tumbling onto the mattress, Hikaru straddling his brothers hips and wrenching his shirt over his head. Kaoru barely had time to register the change in pace before Hikarus mouth was back on his, moving fast, pressing him into the mattress. His body was reacting around him, his skin heating, his heart racing, but his mind was jumbled, confused. Why? He didn’t know.

Hikarus mouth was on his neck now, kissing, sucking, his teeth lightly grazing the skin. He shuddered in pleasure as Hikaru nipped at his tender flesh, sending a sharp jolt of glorious pain down his spine. Wait, when had he lost his shirt? It didn’t matter, as long as Hikaru could reach his skin. It felt like Hikaru was everywhere at once, Kaorus whole body was on fire, and his breath was coming in gasps. He was drowning in passion, blinded by desire, so caught up in the sensations that he hadn’t realised that Hikaru had reached his hips. His eyes flew open and the haze lifted, bringing him roaring back to the present.

Hikaru gazed up at him, his eyes wide, his lips wet and swollen.

“Do you understand now, Kaoru?”

Kaoru couldn’t answer, he was so conflicted. He knew what he wanted, but… they couldn’t… could they?

A whimper escaped his lips as Hikarus fingers curled slowly under the waist band of his pyjama pants. The elastic seemed so flimsy, it would be so easy for him to just… no, he couldn’t ask that… he couldn’t do that… _but he wanted to._

“What should I do, Kaoru?” Hikaru leaned forward, his lips brushing against the skin just above Kaorus pants. His warm breath washed over Kaorus skin, feeding his desire, and his uncertainty. His body jerked involuntarily as he felt Hikaru take the flimsy material between his teeth, tugging gently, teasingly. He could feel his brothers cheek against his arousal, and it drove him wild.

“Hikaru…”

Hikaru released the elastic, softly snapping it against his brothers hips.

“Kaoru… I want you…” his fingers curled deeper, his nails dragging gloriously over Kaorus skin. “I want you so badly…”

Kaoru couldn’t bear it any longer.

“Take me…” he could hardly believe what he was saying, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Hikaru… please… please take me…”

He glanced down at his brother, desperate and pleading, scared and excited. He saw his emotion reflected back at him from his brothers eyes, and time seemed to stand still as slowly, slowly, Hikarus wandering fingers crossed the boundary of the elastic, searching, needing, wanting to throw them both over the edge into the forbidden abyss…


	10. Chapter Ten

 They were wild, ecstatic, raw with passion and ecstasy.  All doubts had fled, all lines had been crossed, there was no turning back, no second guessing. The only thing filling Kaorus mind was the pure bliss radiating through his body, and the pulsing ache for more.

He was propped up on his elbows, back arched, head thrown back in pleasure as wave after wave of crushing sensation washed over him with each flick of his brother’s tongue, every squeeze of his hand. From the instant Hikaru had touched his skin, Kaoru had been captivated. It wasn’t long before Hikaru had taken him in his mouth, equally as desperate for satisfaction as his brother, wanting to taste him, to feel him, to please him. It had honestly taken Kaoru by surprise, but it just felt so good… there was no way he could stop him.

Kaoru glanced down at his brother, wanting to see him, hardly daring to believe it was real. As if on cue, Hikaru flicked his eyes up, and their gazes met, sending a jolt up Kaorus spine. The sight of his twin like that, eyes gleaming, cheeks flushed pink as his mouth moved around his arousal… it drove him wild. While he watched, Hikaru released him, looking up with feverish passion, his lips swollen, his breath shallow and heavy, washing over Kaorus sensitive skin. He was enraptured by his brother’s open mouth, glistening with saliva and pre cum, and, without thinking, desperate for it, roughly hooked Hikaru around the shoulder, dragging him up so their open mouths could meet.

The tang of skin and sex was overwhelming, and it tasted like heaven. It flooded his senses and fuelled his desire as he sucked greedily at Hikarus mouth and tongue. He could feel his brother’s moans on his lips and in his throat, sending shockwaves of pleasure down his spine. He reached his hands between their bodies, searching for his twin’s hips, wanting to entice more of the delicious sounds from him. As his fingers grasped his flesh, Hikaru pulled back, his eyes screwed shut against the sensation as Kaoru squeezed and pulled, relishing in the reactions of his twin. He brought his free hand up to Hikarus neck, pulling his head forward into the crook of his shoulder and holding it there, feeling his brothers tremors, his wet lips on his skin.

“Kaoru…” Hikarus voice was pleading, low and husky against his neck. “I… I want you…”

Breaking free of his hold, Hikaru turned his face up, desperation and desire gleaming in his eyes. Kaoru understood immediately, and his heart skipped a beat.

“Lay back…”

Carefully, as if in a dream, they shifted on the bed, Hikaru falling gently back onto the mattress and exposing his half naked body to his brother towering above him.  Kaoru ran his hands slowly over Hikarus thighs, still hidden beneath the thinnest of cotton. Letting his eyes rake over his twins form, he moved his hands to grasp the waistband of Hikarus pants, wrenching them down over his thighs with unexpected force. He heard his brother’s gasp of surprise and the corner of his mouth twitched up in satisfaction.

Throwing the flimsy material aside, he turned his attention back to his twin, who was now entirely naked and exposed in front of him. He felt his desire pulsing through his veins as he drank in the sight, taking his time to run his fingertips lightly over the heated skin of his navel, his hips, his legs… he wanted to commit every inch of his brother’s body to memory, and the more places he touched, the more powerful he felt.

Struck with a sudden urge, Kaoru dug his fingers into the soft skin of Hikarus thigh, roaring forward to kiss and suck at the tender flesh. He felt Hikaru jolt on the bed, letting out a cry of surprise, but he didn’t release him. He heard him call his name, and a growl escaped his throat. When he was satisfied, he rose above his brother, leaning forward to rest on his hands, one either side of Hikarus head. The excited fear he saw reflected in his brother’s eyes was exactly what he wanted, and it spurred him on.

Slowly, not breaking eye contact, he shifted one hand, trailing two of his fingertips over the skin of his brother’s neck, over his jaw to his parted lips.

“Suck.”

Hikaru obeyed instantly, taking them into his mouth, so warm and wet that Kaorus breath caught and his eyes closed. He was so turned on that even his hands had grown over sensitive, and his body reacted to the new sensations as it had the first time he was in his brother’s mouth. Even thinking about it drove him wild, and it was with reluctance that he finally withdrew them, moving his dripping fingers down Hikarus body, to his hips.

He hesitated, hardly daring to even think about what he was about to do next.

“Hikaru… are you sure?”

Hikaru gave a shivering breath and nodded meekly, his body tense, almost electric. Kaorus confidence from moments ago had cracked, but he knew there was no going back. He wanted it, desperately, but he still couldn’t hold his brothers gaze, and he buried his head in the pillows as his finger found its mark, and pushed its way inside.

Hikaru shuddered beneath him, letting out a moan and a gasp. Kaorus heart skipped a beat, but he didn’t let up, moving his finger around in small circles, pushing against his brother’s walls. After a moment, when Hikaru had calmed down, he pushed in deeper, allowing himself to feel his own pleasure as he made his brother tremble and moan.

“Hikaru, are you okay?”

The tension within him would not ease, and he raised his head slightly to glance sideways at his brother. His face was tinged pink, his eyes screwed shut and his teeth clenched together, and Kaorus stomach flipped in panic. Was he hurting him? His hand froze, and Hikaru groaned.

“No… don’t stop…”

Amazed, Kaoru stared at him as he arched his neck off the pillows, letting out a small whimper. He felt the tension he had snap, and a grin spread across his face. With his confidence repaired, Kaoru started to move again, pressing his second finger inside and taking the tender skin of his exposed neck softly between his teeth. Hikarus body jolted in pleasure as his senses were overloaded with feeling and passion. It wasn’t enough though, not for either of them.

Carefully withdrawing his hand, Kaoru rose to lean over Hikaru again, his lust fully restored, burning through his veins like wildfire. Hikaru was panting heavily, a delicious sheen of sweat making him glisten. They didn’t need to say it, they both knew what the other wanted, what they needed. Wordlessly, Kaoru positioned himself, stroking his own arousal, making himself harder. He felt his cheeks burn red as he caught Hikaru watching him.

He looked away, embarrassed. “What? I’m kinda dry now…”

 “Lick your fingers.”

He blanched at Hikarus shamelessness, but obeyed anyway, swiping his moist thumb over his tip. It worked, and the first hints of pre cum spilled over his hand. Satisfied, he leant forward, his heart racing in his chest, his nerves thoroughly on end. His fingers pressed into his brother once more, loosening him, and he heard Hikarus breath catch. This time, he held his gaze as he slowly, as gently as he could, pushed his way inside.

He was barely even aware of Hikarus reaction as his body was overwhelmed by the sensation. Ecstasy shot through him, radiating from the warmth and pressure he felt between his hips. His mind was flooded, his skin was burning, he wanted more, he _needed_ more. The resistance he felt as he pressed deeper was incredible, surging from all sides, squeezing him, ravishing him. God it was just… _so good…_

“Kaoru!”

Hikarus cry brought him roaring back to reality, and he snapped his head down, his wild eyes searching for his brothers. Hikaru was squirming beneath him, his breathing heavy, eyes screwed shut, beads of sweat running over his skin. Kaorus stomach dropped, and guilt flooded his body as he realised the situation. He stopped moving, fearful of hurting him even more, panic rising in him again.

“Hikaru?” he started to pull back, “I’m so sorry are you… ah!”

Hikarus eyes flew open, his hands grabbed at Kaorus waist and his thighs tightened around his hips. Kaoru stared down at him, confused.

“Kaoru, don’t stop… please don’t stop… go deeper…”

Kaoru hesitated, pushing back against Hikarus tightening knees.

“Are you sure? Does it hurt?”

Hikarus wide eyes stared up at him, pleading. He shook his head.

“It doesn’t hurt… its good…” he moaned quietly, bucking his hips ever so slightly off the mattress before turning back to his brother. “Are you okay?”

Kaoru didn’t answer. Instead, he started to move again, slower this time, supressing the sensations he felt in order to pay more attention to his twin. Ever fibre in his body wanted to give in to the pure pleasure calling to him, but the thought of hurting Hikaru overpowered it, if only barely. He watched his brother’s face as he pushed in deeper, looking for any signs of distress or pain, but soon became enraptured in his reactions.

Watching the eroticism play in his twins features was amazing, and only added to his lust and passion. Too soon, he was as deep as he could go, and even though he wanted so badly to pull out and do it again, he resisted, letting Hikaru adjust to his presence.

“Hikaru..?”

“Just… give me a minute…”

He was breathing hard, his face flushed red, his eyes watering. He said it didn’t hurt, but looking at Hikaru like this, Kaoru found himself doubting that. He could feel his brother resisting him, he could feel how tight he was… surely it had to hurt?

The thought brought his attention back to the feeling between his hips, and his arms shook. It really did feel amazing, and it took so much of his energy to hold back. Keeping still was a real test of endurance to him, and a part of him silently begged Hikaru to let him move again.

“Kaoru…”

His eyes flew open and caught his twins. That was enough. He let go.

The feeling crushed him. The heat, the pressure, the friction… he could never even imagine reaching pleasure of these heights before. The more he moved, the more it grew, building inside of him, rolling over him like waves of ecstasy crashing around him, drowning him in bliss. Faster, harder, deeper… it wasn’t enough, he needed more.

With a growl of frustration, he hooked Hikarus knees around his arms and wrenched them forward, lifting his hips off the mattress as he drove himself deeper still. He heard his brother cry out, and it spurred him on. He grabbed Hikarus hips, dragging him up, trying desperately to go deeper, faster, harder. All coherent thought had fled his mind. He felt like he was chasing a nirvana that was just beyond his reach, and it was breaking him.

Desperately, he leant forwards, slipping his brothers ankles off his shoulders so he could reach his mouth. His hands grabbed roughly at Hikarus hair as he pressed their open lips together, hot and wet. Silently, he begged his brother to release him, to give him paradise. His body cried out, unable to move any faster, to go any deeper, yet pleading for satisfaction. He was _so close…_

_Please… dear God please…_

“Kaoru…” Hikarus voice seemed so far away, it barely broke through. “Kaoru I… I’m going to…”

He felt Hikaru jolt beneath him as he came, and it only made him feel that much more desperate. He didn’t slow his pace, he couldn’t, he needed to keep going, he needed to come too. _He was so very close…_

 He buried his head in the pillows and bit down as a pleasure he had never felt before broke over him. His body twisted, his muscles twitched, his mind exploded as he tumbled through the gates of nirvana. The sensation was indescribable, and he let himself float through it shamelessly.

Minutes past as they lay together, hot, sticky and naked, both revealing in their orgasms. Kaoru had slipped sideways onto the mattress to avoid crushing Hikaru, who was laying spread-eagled beneath him. As time passed, their breathing returned to normal as they drifted down back to earth and reality. Kaorus body felt so heavy, so gloriously lethargic. He didn’t want to move, but he could feel Hikaru starting to shift beneath him. With a sigh, he rolled over, untangling himself from Hikarus legs and propped himself up on his elbow, facing his brother.

Hikaru looked back at him, a small smile playing at his lips. Kaorus stomach tightened, and he was suddenly nervous.

“You okay, Hikaru?”

“Mmm…” Hikaru didn’t seem as awkward. “Sticky…”

Kaoru couldn’t stop himself from snorting. He grinned at his brother, his nervousness evaporated.

“Mmm, me too. Shower?”

Hikaru nodded, pushing himself up and swinging his legs over the side of the mattress. His slight wince didn’t escape Kaorus notice.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay?”

Hikaru blanched.

“Yeah, I’m fine… just feels a bit weird that’s all.”

Kaoru frowned.

“Does it hurt?”

Hikarus face reddened even more.

“I’m fine Kaoru. Lets just go have a shower and go to bed.”

Determinedly, Hikaru stood up and strode across the room, wrenching open the bathroom door. Kaoru merely shrugged, and followed. He’d see how his brother was in the morning.   


	11. Chapter 11

Clouds had gathered overhead, causing the ground around the twins to lose its pretty mottled pattern from the tree above them. It was an oddly pleasant day for the midst of autumn, and, on a whim, the boys had ventured outside the classroom during lunch period to enjoy it together. They sat on the grass beneath a tree in a secluded area of the school grounds, enjoying the silence of each other’s company and the coolness of the breeze on their skin.

A wayward pair of chopsticks snatched some octopus from Kaorus lunch box, and he returned the favour with a swat at his brothers hand.

“Oi! You’ve got your own food.”

“Yeah but you owe me.”

Kaoru groaned, grimacing at his brothers grin. It had been a week since they had slept together, but Hikaru was still complaining about being in pain from it, even though Kaoru was convinced it was at least half an act in order to win favour from him.

“You know you won’t be able to keep that up forever.” Kaoru knocked away his brothers chopsticks before they could take seconds.  “You’re back at school and everything, you’re fine, I swear.”

“I don’t think that’s up to you to decide.” Hikaru pretended to pout, sticking his bottom lip out haughtily.

Kaoru sighed, picking at his rice. The truth was, he did feel extremely guilty for hurting Hikaru, and it pained him every time his brother brought it up.

“Look, I said I’m sorry, and I wont do it again okay? What else can I do?”

Hikaru leaned over and pecked his brothers cheek, causing him to blush in surprise.

“Relax Kaoru, I’m only teasing. I’m fine, really. Besides,” he sat back against the tree trunk, awkwardly stabbing at his food. “I never said I didn’t want you to do it again…”

Kaorus heart skipped a beat, and his eyes widened involuntarily. On one hand, he was ecstatic to hear his brother say he wanted to do it again, but on the other… how could he?  How could he risk it? Hikaru had needed two days off school after the first time… even if they were more careful, how could he know Hikaru would be okay?

“Kaoru, say something, I feel like I’m going to die of embarrassment here.”

Kaorus head jerked up as he was pulled back to reality. Looking over at his brother, he could see the flush in his cheeks and the nervousness in his eyes.

“Well… I mean…” he was stammering, nervous, not knowing what to say. “Are you sure? I mean… its not that I don’t want to its just… you know after last time… just, I don’t know…”

Hikarus cheeks darkened, and he stabbed a chopstick into his rice.

“Well, yeah but last time we didn’t really know what we were doing, next time it’ll be different…”

“You mean you know what you’re doing?”

Hikaru snorted under his breath.

“Well… I know what _not_ to do at least.”

Kaoru chuckled and leaned his head back against the bark behind him, closing his eyes against the filtered light. The idea of being able to have his brother like that again floated around his head, making him almost giddy. He’d been trying so hard all week to give Hikaru his space and had barely even touched him. To be frank, it was driving him mad.

“Mmm…” the contented sound escaped the back of his throat, and he sighed. “I really do want to touch you again Hikaru…”

He kept his eyes closed as he heard his brother shuffle around next to him, and soon felt him nuzzling into his shoulder. Kaoru lifted his arm obediently, hugging his brother close into his chest. Opening his eyes, he lowered his head so his cheek came to rest tenderly on Hikarus hair. He breathed in the scent of his brother, his lips leaving quiet kisses on the top of his head. Wordlessly, Hikaru twisted around so he was looking at his twin, their faces closer together than they had been since that night.

Kaoru closed the gap, lightly pressing his lips against Hikarus mouth, savouring the feeling, the taste, moving gently. Hikarus hand came up to rest against his brothers cheek, his fingertips burrowing into his hair, spurring Kaoru on to part his lips and snake the arm that had been around Hikarus shoulders around his waist instead, pulling him closer. He felt the pent up longing, the passion he had been holding back gently surge against his will like a rising tide.

Hikaru was the one to pull back first, sighing gently.

“We’re still at school…”

Kaoru supressed a groan, unwilling to stop, but understanding why he had to. If anyone saw them… he shuddered internally at the thought. Leaning back against the tree again, he firmly threw his arm around his brothers shoulders again, pulling him against his side. He would at least have this.

Hikaru leaned his head against Kaorus shoulder while they sat in silence once again while they waited for the lunch period to end. Before that happened though, a few stray drops of rain started falling around them from the darkening clouds above.

Hikaru turned his face towards the sky, squinting through the tree branches.

“Wasn’t it sunny like five minutes ago?”

Kaoru chuckled, planting a cheeky kiss on his brothers cheek before hoisting himself to his feet and holding out his hand.

“Yeah but we’re coming into winter.” He pulled Hikaru to his feet and gathered up their lunches. “We better get inside…”

They started off towards the school building, walking quickly as the few errant rain drops turned into a slight drizzle, then into a steady pour. Within seconds, both brothers were sprinting across the grounds in the rain, their jackets pulled over their heads in a vain attempt to shield their faces.

Kaoru jolted backwards as he felt something tug on the hem of his jacket. Whirling around, he saw to his surprise that Hikaru had stopped, and was pulling him back towards him. He motioned that he wanted to keep running, wondering what on earth had made his twin stop, but Hikaru just tugged harder. Giving up, he went back to him, shouting over the rain, which had turned to a downpour.

“Hikaru, what on Earth?!”

“Kiss me!”

What? Had he heard that right?”

“Hikaru, come _on_.”

“Kaoru now, before anyone sees! Kiss me in the rain!”

Kaoru couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face, and he stepped forward, letting go of his jacket so he could grab his twin as their mouths collided. He felt Hikarus arms wrap around his waist as the rain pummelled them from above, the fresh water mingling with the taste of each other on their tongues. A part of him knew how utterly stupid this cliché was, but he wasn’t listening to that, he just wanted to feel the passion between them.

Finally, he pulled back, both of them now thoroughly drenched to the skin. Silently, he took his brothers hand and they sprinted across the school grounds to the shelter of the building. 


	12. Chapter 12

“Er… okay maybe I spoke too soon….”

Kaoru stepped out of the bathroom, his towel draped lazily around his waist, and turned a curious eye towards his brother, who was stretched out on their bed with his laptop open in front of him. A few thin tendrils of steam followed his path across the floorboards, dissipating into the air by the time he sat down on the edge of the bed to dry his hair with a second towel.

“Hmm? Spoke too soon about what?”

He noticed Hikarus shoulders stiffen slightly, which only heightened his curiosity. Leaning forward, he tried to catch a glimpse at his brothers laptop screen, but Hikaru snapped it shut before he saw anything. Hikaru twisted around on the mattress to flash him a nervous glance.

“Nothing! Forget it, its nothing.”

Kaoru furrowed his brow.

“No way, tell me. What were you looking at?” He tried to reach over his twin, but Hikaru grabbed his wrist, holding his arm away from the laptop.

“Nothing, don’t worry just… dry your hair, you’re getting me wet!”

Kaoru felt a jolt in his stomach at his brothers words, surprising himself, and immediately sat upright, jamming the towel onto his head with a little bit more force than necessary. Even though he’d taken care of himself in the shower, he was still very much on edge around Hikaru. Frankly, he had been pining for his twin throughout the entire week, but had been holding back to give him his recovery space.

The fact that he was naked, wet and still feeling the last lingering tingles of a self-induced orgasm wasn’t exactly helping his restraint, and the intrusive thoughts brought on by Hikarus innocent words only pushed him harder.

Kaoru felt something hit his head, and scrunched his face up against the fabric of his towel as it was pulled off backwards. He turned to glare at his brother, but was promptly cut off by Hikarus lips against his mouth, moving slowly and passionately. Through wide, surprised eyes Kaoru could see his brothers closed lids, and the pink tinge seeping through the skin over his delicate cheekbones, and was too shocked and enraptured in the moment to even understand what was happening, let alone respond.

A second passed, then two, and it became obvious that Hikaru was not going to stop. Kaoru tried weakly to kiss back, fumbling over his brothers lips while his mind exploded with panic. If Hikaru continued like this, there was no way he would be able to restrain himself! But he couldn’t possibly do anything more in fear of hurting him again. But then what was Hikaru doing?!

Kaorus thoughts were interrupted when his skin registered the light touch of his brothers hand on his neck, his gentle fingers curling around to press against his nape. The sensation sent a pleasant shiver down his spine that was utterly intoxicating. He felt his mouth start to move as if on its own, his lips parting to scramble for his brothers taste, his tongue gliding forward to force its way passed his teeth. His head spun, his heart raced, he wanted more.

“No, no, no, no wait, wait.”

With what felt like a tremendous effort, he pushed Hikaru away, his palms flat against his chest, holding him back. His eyes were closed and his head turned away as he fought to control his thoughts.

Hikarus voice cut through his concentration, the small hint of pained confusion not going unnoticed.

“Kaoru? Whats wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

Kaoru finally turned to look at his beautiful twin, the urge to give in and devour him surging at the sight. He took a deep breath and tried to flash a reassuring grin which just ended up feeling super uncomfortable.

“No, you haven’t, I just…” he stared at his hands on his brothers chest and longed to wrench him forward by his shirt. “Maybe we just shouldn’t do this..?” It came out like a question.

Hikaru frowned and sat back, letting Kaorus hands fall to the bedspread. Kaoru clenched his jaw, his palms suddenly feeling empty and cold.

“Are you saying you want to stop?” Hikaru asked, his voice small, but clear.

Kaorus stomach jolted, the panic he felt earlier threatening to bubble up again.

“No! Well, yes, but no, I just…” he took a breath. “Look, Hikaru, its just after last time I’m not sure how to… go about this? I guess? I don’t want to _stop_ stop, I just… is now okay?” his hand crept forward on the bed, his fingertips lightly brushing against Hikarus knee. “Are _you_ okay?”

Hikaru slid his own hand around to encompass his brothers, his brow ever so slightly furrowed, his eyes downcast. Kaoru noticed a deep crimson rise up over his brothers cheeks, and realised that he was nervous. Nervous about what though?

“Hikaru?”

“Well… actually I was thinking that tonight maybe I could… you know and you… the other thing… I mean…” he shifted awkwardly on the bed, the red blush on his face darkening. He flicked his eyes up from under his scowl and caught his brothers gaze for a split second, before returning them to mattress.

Kaorus mind ticked over like a pocket watch trying to put his brothers jumbled words together. The silence in the room was deafening, until the pieces finally fell into place and Kaoru understood. His eyes widened and his jaw went slack. He was stunned.

“Oh!” he saw Hikarus jaw clench. “You mean you want to…”

The memory of seeing his twin in pain the day after their first night flashed through his mind, and it iced him. He swallowed dryly and tried to think of something to say, but was beaten once again by his twin.

"Well… yeah.” He lifted his eyes in a hopeful act Kaoru found devastatingly cute. “I mean, you might like it, you’ll _probably_ like it… it’s actually pretty great really its just… after last time I’m a bit…” his voice petered out shyly. Kaoru squeezed his hand, still completely taken aback by the situation, but wanting to know how his twin was feeling.

“You’re a bit what, Hikaru?”

Hikaru bit his lip.

“Scared.”

His voice was so quiet Kaoru almost missed it, but it hung around him like mist. The chill he had felt earlier instantly thawed as the realisation of his brothers feelings hit him. Hikaru was scared of him. His own twin was scared of him.

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what words could possibly make it okay, so he shifted forward, wrapping his arms around his brother, hugging him close.

“Um, Kaoru,” Hikarus muffled voice floated up from somewhere near his collar bone. “I appreciate the sentiment and all, but you do know I’m talking about sex right?”

Kaoru pulled back, looking down at his twin still encircled in his arms.

“Look,” Hikaru sat up, lightly brushing his brothers hands down to sit at his hips. “Kaoru, I do want to keep doing this. I do want to kiss you and touch you and all that stuff that’s really awkward to talk about like this, I just really don’t want to get hurt again because trust me, that really hurt, a lot.”

“Not really encouraging me here Hikaru.”

“Just… try it out?” he leant forward to place a gentle, nervous kiss on Kaorus lips before sitting back. His eyes gleamed at his brother, and Kaoru couldn’t stop his body tingling.

“Fine. I’ll try it. Just, one thing.”

He stood up, only then realising the towel that had been wrapped around his waist had long before crumpled to the ground. His naked body stiffened in embarrassment, but he forced himself to walk towards the bathroom anyway, feeling his brothers gaze piercing through the skin on his back. He breathed a sigh of relief when he stepped through the doorway, pausing momentarily before he reached for the key stuck under the vanity counter. Both brothers had agreed to have one locked drawer to themselves in the bathroom, where they could store whatever they wanted without the other twin knowing. Of course, they both knew exactly what the other had in their drawer, and where they kept the key, but it went unspoken as to preserve the mild feeling of privacy.

Kaoru reached into his draw and pulled out a small, cylindrical tube, which he took care not to hold too tightly in his nervous hand. It was something he had picked up earlier that week, after first ditching his brother in the sweets section of the store outside a station close to their school. He’d felt awkward and almost criminal when buying it, a feeling that returned to him tenfold with each step he took towards his waiting brother.

He placed the lube on the bedside table and sat down next to his twin. The air around them was tense, and Kaoru felt both incredibly nervous and incredibly awkward. Were they just going to… do it? Just like that? Did he need to say something, or just go straight to making out? It was weird.

Lucky for Kaoru, Hikaru didn’t seem as put out. He snaked one arm around Kaorus bare waist, drawing him closer, his excitement rubbing off onto Kaoru as their mouths met. Their hands went everywhere, running over each other’s bodies, leaving traces of heat and passion in their wake.

“Wait, hold on,” Kaoru pulled back again, making Hikaru sigh in frustration. “When did you get naked?”

He hadn’t noticed right away, but as they were making out, Kaoru suddenly became aware that his hands were touching bare skin wherever they went, which didn’t make sense as Hikaru had been fully clothed when he’d gone to the bathroom. Hikaru flashed him a grin and shrugged.

“I wanted to surprise you, but you didn’t notice. Now,” he shifted forward again, brushing his lips against his twins, but only barely, sending a current through Kaorus body as his lips moved against his. “Are you going to let me fuck you, or am I going to have to persuade you some more?”

“Hika…”

Kaorus shock was cut off by his twins forceful kissing. He barely had time to register Hikarus words before he found himself being thrown backwards onto the mattress, his arms pinned above him by the wrist as Hikaru straddled him, his arousal pressing into his stomach. For the third time that night, his head was spinning and his blood was racing through his veins. He tried desperately to keep up with Hikarus mouth, but was too swept up in the momentum and passion to do much other than let his twin over power him.

He gasped in a breath when Hikaru finally broke away, but almost instantly lost it again at the touch of his brothers lips on the tender skin of his neck. Hikaru was ravishing him, devouring him, kissing and sucking at his flesh. Down his neck, over his shoulders and collar bones, all the while letting his fingers dig into his wrists still pinned above them. The sensation was overwhelming, and Kaorus body was rocked with desire and arousal. His hips ached, his back arched, his breath seemed to roar in and out of his lungs in shallow gasps. He couldn’t control the barely audible whines that escaped him as Hikaru played with his body, and he loved it.

“Ah!”

Completely without warning, Hikaru took his brother in his mouth, releasing his wrists to instead clutch at his brothers hips. Shock mixed with insane pleasure saturated him, setting him alight, making him cry out in unexpected ecstasy. Unconsciously, one hand moved to his hips, his fingers knotting in Hikarus hair as he licked and sucked, his tongue gliding over his tip before swirling around his length as he took him in. Kaorus hips ached amazingly, and the only thought left in his mind was the intense desire he felt for his brother pumping through his body.

All too soon, Hikaru raised his head. Kaoru glanced down and let out a whimper. Hikarus eyes gleamed wickedly out from his flushed face, his lips swollen and his mouth over flowing with delicious wetness. Under his dishevelled hair, he drove his brother wild.

“You know,” he said in a low voice as he climbed on top of Kaoru, “One day you’re gonna have to do that for me.”

Kaoru tried to answer, but Hikaru pressed their mouths together before he could. The taste was sensational, and it flooded the younger twins senses. The taste, the smell, the feeling… it was primal, raw, and Kaoru was lost in it. His whole body ached, he needed more.  He tried to talk around his brothers lips, but only managed a few strangled words.

“Hikaru… I… please…”

Hikaru pulled back, looking glorious framed above him. The wicked grin was back on his features, and it set Kaorus already racing heart into over drive. This was it, _and he wanted it_.

Wordlessly, Hikaru reached for the bottle on the table, ripping off the plastic seal and tossing it aside. Kaorus pulse roared under his skin and in his ears and he watched his brother squeeze out some of the gel onto his hand, the sight surprisingly sexy. It ran down his fingers slowly, glistening in the muted light, and Kaorus mouth became saturated.  

Slowly, Hikaru lowered his dripping hand down to Kaorus hips, and Kaoru squeezed his eyes shut in anticipation. He was both so nervous and so aroused he felt he might burst.

“Relax, Kaoru.” Hikarus voice was right in his ear, soft, whispering, seductive. He felt his brothers teeth gently graze his ear lobe as his fingers found their mark, gently pressing against him. The coolness of the gel sent a shock up his spine, but it wasn’t unpleasant.

“You ready?”

Kaoru nodded, before gasping loudly as his brothers fingers pushed their way inside him. His eyes flew open to see Hikarus face mere inches from his own, sightly blurred as he struggled to focus. The sensations he felt as his brothers fingers moved inside him were exquisite. His breath was shallow, and his eyes blinked rapidly as the pressure he felt inside him slowly built, and before long he found himself wishing he could have more.

No, _needing_ more.

He forced his eyes to stay open, and wildly searched for his brothers, but Hikaru had bowed his head to his chest. With all the strength he could muster, Kaoru lifted his hands, fumbling over his brothers skin as his whole body shook and shivered, desperate for a release he couldn’t have unless he found his twin.

Finally, his hands found Hikarus shoulders, and he pushed him up. At the same time, Hikarus fingers slipped out of him, leaving him empty, and he couldn’t help but cry out in panic. Hikaru looked down at him, his face awash with desire and passion.

“Hikaru… I need you…”

In some far off corner of what little part of rational mind he had left, a very small part of him couldn’t believe what he was asking. However, he was mostly overwhelmed with desperation, and his whole body all but begged Hikaru to give him release.

Hikaru sat up on his knees, his hands sliding beneath his brother to lift him up.

“Roll over, and put your head down.”

Kaoru blinked.

“What?”

Hikaru growled under his breath, and Kaoru realised that his twin was just as desperate as he was. He felt Hikarus hands tugging at him, getting him to roll over onto his knees. Kaoru flushed with embarrassment, but bit his lip, trying to focus on the erratic beating of his heart. He felt Hikaru lean over him, sliding his hands over his exposed back, gently forcing his shoulders down. The thought of being like that in front of him threatened to take over, but the sensation of his brothers lips brushing over and up his spine drowned it out.

He shivered at the cold feeling of more gel against him, the anticipation driving his mind and body into a frenzy. He wanted to feel his brother so badly. He wanted to be taken, to be pleasured, why was Hikaru taking so long?

“Hikaru… please…” he couldn’t stop his voice from pleading. “Please…”

He felt embarrassed, exposed, and oh so desperate. His body ached, his heart was racing, he wanted it, he _needed_ it, so much it almost hurt. Still, Hikaru only played, running one hand over his swollen arousal, and the other over his entrance, occasionally dipping a fingertip in, causing Kaoru to gasp and clutch the sheets. It wasn’t long before he was teetering on the edge of breaking down.

“Hikaru!” he buried his face in the sheets, his knuckles turning white as he clutched at the cloth. “I cant take it! I cant… ah!”

His neck snapped up as Hikaru pressed into him, filling him, sending a massive wave of pleasure through his whole body. The pressure was amazing and it enveloped him as Hikaru pushed against him again and again, going deeper and deeper with each thrust. He could hear his brothers panting breath above him, and his hands clutching at his waist, and it heightened the sensations filling his mind with clouds of dizzying glory. Almost unconsciously, he moved his hips back, grinding against his brother when they met, forcing him as deep as he could go.

Kaoru was seeing stars behind his eyelids. The thought that it was Hikaru, his twin brother, making him feel so alive floated through his mind, and a rush of excitement shot through him. God, what were they doing? But its so good, who cares? He just wanted to feel more of him, to feel more of Hikaru, of his brother…

“…-san…”

Hikaru faltered mid-thrust, causing Kaoru to gasp in alarm. The sounds of their heavy panting filled the room, awash with the scent of sex and sweat.

“What… did you just… say?” Hikarus broken words came from above him, and he turned his head on the mattress to look up at him, which almost stopped his heart.

Hikaru was drenched in sweat, his hair hanging mattered around his flushed face, his whole body heaving with every breath. He looked so raw, so powerful that it took what little breath Kaoru had left away. What did he say again?

“Nii...san…”

Hikarus eyes grew wide, and his jaw dropped open. Kaoru stared up at him through his wet hair, anticipation mingling with the confused array of desires pulsing through him by the sudden pause. He was about to ask what was wrong when Hikaru slammed into him, much more forceful than before.

Kaoru cried out as Hikarus fingers dug into his skin, forcing his hips back and forth as he pounded into him, sending Kaorus senses into over drive. He felt Hikaru wrap an arm around his waist, holding him up as he leant as far forward up his back as he could, the skin contact setting Kaorus nerves ablaze.

He felt the arm around his waist drop as his brothers other hand knotted in his hair, pulling his head back forcefully. Hikarus voice growled in his ear.

“Say it again.”

“Nii-san…”

Hikarus thrusts deepened.

“ _Nii-san_ …”

He was going so fast, so deep, it was exhilarating. He could feel Hikarus heart beat on his skin, and hear his desperate panting in his ears, it all brought him closer and closer. _He was so close_.

“ _Nii-san!_ ”

With a final cry he reached it, his body shuddering, shivering, jolting in pure ecstasy and bliss. Fireworks burst in his vision as he felt Hikaru reach his climax inside him, pulsing and hot. His senses that had, just a moment ago, been ravishing every inch of him became oddly muted, calming. He revelled in his orgasm, twitching, exhausted.

Kaoru was the first to collapse, falling forward onto his stomach. He could feel the wetness of his cum spreading over his skin, but he was too far gone to care. He winced slightly as Hikaru pulled out of him before sliding sideways to lie beside him. Through hooded eyelids and mattered hair he could see the peaceful expression on his twins features and smiled.

A few minutes passed before Kaoru pushed himself up to his knees. He felt strange now that his body had calmed down, and there was a slight ache in his hips when he moved. He felt something warm on his legs and looked down, grimacing slightly in embarrassment when he saw what it was running over his skin. Scooping up the towel from the floor, he patted himself down before leaning over to a drawer and pulling out a fresh pair of boxers, one for him and one for Hikaru.

After pulling them on, he turned to face his brother, only to find that Hikaru had fallen asleep, still naked and sweaty, possibly covered in cum. Kaoru chuckled to himself, running the towel over what parts of his brother he could reach, before gently shaking him awake. Drowsy, Hikaru merely crawled up to their pillows and clumsily climbed under the blankets, still naked. Kaoru shrugged, gave the blanket a quick wipe down and crawled in next to Hikaru, who immediately rolled over to be little spoon. Happy to oblige, Kaoru threw his arm around his twin, kissed his hair, and settled in to sleep. 


	13. Chapter 13

“Shh, Kaoru keep your voice down…”

Hikarus hand pressed against Kaorus swollen lips and forcefully tilted his head back, causing jolts of intense pleasure to shoot down his spine. His eyes were watering and his throat was raw from the effort of holding down his gasps and moans, but it only heightened the sensations laying waste to his body. His fingers scratched and curled over the glass they were pressed against, and his body shook violently with each of Hikarus thrusts, but he could hardly feel anything other than the desperate ache for more, more, _more._

His brothers fingers parted just as his head started to spin, allowing him to drag down a gasp of much needed air. Through blurred vision he could see his twins eyes watching him in the mirror where he was fully exposed, his eyes gazing over his shoulder with such a look of greed and desire that Kaoru could almost feel them burning a hole through his own.  His mind was such a mess of embarrassment, shame and unadulterated lust that he could hardly tell which way was up any more. Yet he couldn’t keep his own eyes away.

He hadn’t given a second thought to the floor to ceiling glass when his brother had pulled him into the school change room and started his assault on his body. In fact, it hadn’t even crossed his mind that they would ever take it so far on school grounds, and it was only when he was on his knees, scrambling to undo his twins belt that he realised he’d completely forgotten about where they were at all, but by that stage, he was way too far gone to stop himself from taking Hikaru in his mouth. All he wanted was to hear his brothers sweet voice, feel his shuddering body beneath his lips, and taste his victory on his tongue. But Hikaru had had other plans….

“Kaoru, stand up…”

Hikarus fingers had knotted in his hair, and gently pulled his head back, forcing Kaoru to release him, much to his dismay. Hikaru, his golden eyes shining, hooked an arm under his brothers shoulder, pulling him to his feet and wasting no time in pressing their wet mouths together. Kaorus lips were swollen and moist with his brothers pre cum, and the sweet taste swirled around inside him, mixing with his twins moving tongue.

He felt himself being pressed against the cold glass, and through the haze of his desire, realised that his brother was unfastening the buttons of his shirt, his fingers brushing lightly over his heated skin. When they reached his belt and started on the buckle, Hikarus lips moved off his own, grazing instead over his jaw, stopping to nibble seductively on his ear lobe before continuing down over the thin flesh of his neck. Kaoru was swimming in such a mass of tranquil pleasure and desire that it shocked him when Hikaru wrapped his hand around his arousal, making his movements relentless and unforgiving. The twins were in completely separate gears, and Kaoru struggled to keep up as waves and waves of intense pleasure suddenly washed over him.

“Turn around.”

Kaorus mind scrambled to make sense of the request, but Hikaru was impatient. He spun his brother around by the waist before grabbing his hands and placing them very deliberately on the glass, just low enough that Kaoru was forced to slightly jut his hips back to stay standing. Kaoru himself was too confused to realise exactly what was happening, and was watching his brother over his shoulder as his mouth tried in vain to form a sound of protest. Instead, he just watched as Hikaru unzipped his bag and pulled out the bottle of gel from their bedside table. Slowly, as Hikaru squeezed some out onto his palm, it dawned on Kaoru what was happening, and his wild eyes widened as he stared at himself in the mirror.

“Hikaru…”

His voice trembled. His mind was reeling, unsure of whether he wanted it or not. He saw his own face reflected back at him mere inches away, bright red and slack jawed, and a shock of not altogether unpleasant electricity ran through him. His eyes flicked to his brother behind him, and while he was obscured by his own exposed body, he knew instantly what he was doing, and all thoughts of shame fled his mind. He went to turn around to watch, but Hikarus free hand was instantly at the base of his neck, holding him in place, making Kaoru freeze.

“Stay… like that,” His brothers voice shook, drenched in pleasure, and it made Kaorus hips ache. “I want to just… enjoy this for a moment…”

“Hikaru… I cant see…” Kaorus voice finally returned to him, and it was pleading. “I want to see…”

He felt his brothers fingers tighten ever so slightly on his neck, and it sent shivers down his spine. Hikarus voice came in a ragged whisper.

“Fuck, Kaoru… you’re so cute…”

Without warning, Kaoru felt his twin against him, and his breath caught in his throat. The gel was warm from Hikarus hand, and it melted him away as Hikaru pushed his way inside. All thoughts of the mirror or his embarrassment were forgotten, replaced with a mix of desire and aching lust that made him slowly grind his hips back into his brothers, desperately wanting him deeper, wanting to be fuller.

He could hear his twins quiet moans, feel his hands clutching at his hips as they moved together, getting faster, pushing harder. Hikarus eyes fluttered as the colours swirled around him, dazing him, their movements filling him with pleasure.

“Kaoru… open your eyes… look…”

Obediently, Kaoru focused his gaze in front of him. His face flushed, his heart raced and his stomach jolted as he was forced to take on the sight of himself in the mirror, his eyes wild, his skin glistening and his shirt hanging open to expose every inch of his excitement. He hardly recognised himself as he watching the eroticism play over his features, honest and lustful as the pleasure built throughout his whole body. He swayed back and forth with the movements of his brother, who was watching him intently over his shoulder, and became hypnotised by the sight of his own swollen arousal fiercely rocking against his stomach and pulsing with his erratic heartbeat. It was then that Hikaru had covered his mouth to stop the dripping moans from escaping.

Hikarus lips were on his back, wet and desperate on the thin material of his shirt. The heavy sound of his brothers breathing rang in Kaorus ear as he fought to control his own around the loose fingers that were still on his jaw. Desperately, he pulled two of his fingers into his mouth with his tongue, sucking on them and working them sloppily, revelling in both the shuddering gasps it drew from Hikaru, and the sight of himself in the mirror in front of him. His shame from earlier was all but forgotten in his mind as the pleasure built in his body, drawing him closer and closer to a blissful climax.

They were moving fast now, their hips rocking against each other, and their breathing erratically out of sync, and absolutely intoxicating. Kaoru let out a pathetic moan as Hikaru withdrew is fingers, trying in vain to protest to the change. Hikaru, however, moved his dripping hand to his brothers hips, grasping him, making him cry out and throw his head back in shocked pleasure as he moved, hard and rough, enticing more and more pleasure from his twins body. Kaoru was seeing stars, completely enveloped in the sensations crashing over him as he slammed his hips back and forth against his brothers, hanging his head so his hair pressed against the glass. He was unable, or unwilling, to stop himself watching as his brother worked him with his hand, spilling delicious pre cum over his skin. He wanted to watch himself come, and the thought itself was helping to push him over the edge.

“Hikaru!” his voice was raw, erotic. “Hikaru I… I’m gonna… I wanna…”

His mouth hung open and his body convulsed. His face contorted as he felt himself welling, and he fought to keep his eyes open, ready to watch himself be overtaken. Just as he could feel it coming, he suddenly found himself being thrown forward. Hikaru had kneed his legs out from under him, knotting one hand in his hair to wrench his head backwards, and the other around his waist as he slammed him into the glass, still inside him as he pressed him hard against the mirror. His body jolted under his brother’s teeth as they closed around the soft skin of his shoulder, adding a surprising element of sweet pain to the sensations as he came, gloriously dazed and confused. He felt his twin reach his own release inside him, filling him, his gentle pulsing sending shockwaves through his hips. The coolness of the glass was a stark contrast against the heat of his skin, and he found that it made him quite giddy in the middle of his orgasm.

A moment past with both the boys breathing heavily, the mirror fogging and their skin sticking together under a sheen of their sweat. Slowly, Hikaru eased out of his brother, enticing one last pleasure soaked moan from him, and crumpled to the floor. Kaoru leaned against the cool glass, his body still shaking slightly as he fought to regain control of it. The air around them was warm, sticky, heady with the scent of their sex, and it swam into their lungs and through their blood, tempting them into an easy slumber, something both of them wished they could give into.

Kaoru glanced around at his brother, slumped on the thick carpet and leaning against the wall of the dressing room. He went to join him, but the instant he moved, the now familiar feeling of his brothers cum inside him made him stop, a slight panic threatening to break. They were still at school after all…

Hikaru didn’t seem as worried however, as he simply held up a hand, telling his brother to wait. With his free hand, he pulled from his bag a towel that he had obviously brought from their house, laying it on the carpet beside him before grabbing clumsily for his brothers hand. Kaoru let himself be pulled down the floor, feeling only slightly uncomfortable at the feeling of movement. No, he was more uncomfortable at the fact that Hikaru had thought that far ahead.

“You planned this, didn’t you?” he voiced his thoughts to his brother, narrowing his eyes in his direction. Hikaru smiled meekly.

“I just couldn’t get the thought of the mirror out of my head….”

Kaoru shifted his gaze back to the glass, still fogged and spattered with the signs of what they had done. He was surprised to find that the smudged finger prints, the patches of breath dotted here and there and the creamy white substance slowly running down it all resonated within him as incredibly sexy, and his mouth watered slightly as he took it in. Feeling his brother’s gaze on him, he met his eyes in the mirror behind the marks, and scowled despite himself.

“We have mirrors at home you know.”

Hikaru chuckled.

“I know, but none like these ones.” He leaned his head against Kaorus shoulder, nuzzling slightly into his neck. “I just really wanted to watch you properly…”

Kaorus stomach jumped. The image of himself in the mirror, jaw slack, mouth wet, eyes hooded and skin flushed as he was being taken by his brother flashed through his mind, and a jolt of arousal shot straight to his hips, making him twitch involuntarily. He heard Hikaru huff in amusement and knew that he had seen, making his cheeks redden in embarrassment. He shifted uncomfortably.

“I wouldn’t say I’m complaining… just, a bit of warning might have been-ah!”

His sentence was cut short as Hikaru moved his fingers to his hips, tracing light patterns over his now half-hard and over sensitive cock. He clenched his jaw, but made no move to stop his brother as he played with him, sending shivers of light pleasure through his body.

“Hikaru…” his voice was low, menacing. “What are you doing?”

Hikaru shrugged against him, still leaning his head on Kaorus shoulder as his fingertips lightly pinched his brothers swelling tip.

“An apology I guess?”

Kaoru closed his eyes against the feeling of himself growing hard in his brother’s hand, leaning his head back against the wall. He bit his lip as Hikarus fingers curled around him, slowly moving up and down his length, the sensation heightened more than usual by the aftermath of his recent orgasm. He felt his body start to shake as Hikaru moved away from his side, shifting around to straddle his legs and wrapping an arm around his shoulders, leaning his forehead into him.

His pace was wonderfully slow, his fingers squeezing and massaging, making Kaorus head spin with desire. Clumsily he lifted a hand to encircle his brother’s back, his fingertips lightly dancing around the hair at the base of his neck. His breathing was shallow, but quiet, and he could hear Hikarus own breaths coming in shudders. Curious, he let his free hand stretch out to his twins hips, and felt a jolt of satisfaction when they were met with his rock hard arousal. The corners of his mouth twitched up as he took him in his hand, matching his movements as he started to work him.

A few minutes passed as the boys simply enjoyed each other, the soft pleasure washing over them in waves. Kaorus hips were starting to ache with the familiar longing for his brother, and his heart fell at the knowledge that he wouldn’t be able to go again so soon. Sure, he was desperately turned on, but his body was still green, unable to handle such an over load. Reluctantly, he let go of Hikaru, and moved his hand to steady his brothers, causing him to whimper against his skin.

“Hikaru… I can’t…”

Hikaru raised his eyes to meet Kaorus, shining and desperate, and Kaoru was left breathless. His body cried out to him, wanting his brother, and he bit his lip.

“Hikaru I-”

“Kaoru,” Hikaru cut him off, his eyes pleading and nervous. “Please… top me.”

His directness stunned Kaoru. Top him? What?

Hikarus hand started moving on him again, ever so slightly faster than before, wrenching him out of his reverie. His brother held his gaze, a look of determination taking over his eyes. Hikaru leaned forward, his hand still increasing its pace, to whisper in his twins ear.

“Kaoru, I want you to fuck me. Please.”

Kaoru cried out in surprise.

“I’ll do all the work, you can just watch okay?” his teeth grazed his skin as he shifted his body closer. “I want you to watch me, like I was watching you.”

Kaorus mind was reeling. Hikaru was so direct, so unashamed, it threw him. The idea of being able to have Hikaru like he had the first time they had slept together exciting him immensely, but he couldn’t find the words to say so. He couldn’t even catch his breath.

Hikaru leaned back again, his eyes searching for Kaorus, one question alone shining out from them. Kaoru fought through the now enormous amount of pleasure crashing itself through his body, knowing that he had to give his brother an answer.

“Hikaru… you’re so forceful…” his head spun and he took a deep breath. “I… want to fuck you.”

His words seemed to flick a switch in his brother, and he hardly had time to adjust to the change before Hikaru was kissing him, forcing his tongue into his mouth and running the nails of his free hand over his heated skin. Kaoru could hardly keep up, only barely registering that the hand on his chest had gone before he felt a cool, wet sensation spill over his hips under Hikarus working hand. He gasped in a desperate breath when Hikaru finally released his mouth, and it dawned on him that even though he was topping his brother, he was still the powerless one being fucked; a notion that only fuelled the blaze of desire enveloping his entire being.

Desperate to at least feign at control, he grabbed his brothers hips, pulling him closer, forcing him to release his now soaking cock. Gingerly, Hikaru tried to position himself above his brother, but Kaoru only dug his fingernails into his skin, warning him that he would at least have this part. Hikaru obliged, closing his eyes and leaning his head back allowing Kaoru to grab his own arousal, guiding himself and pressing against his brothers hips. Slowly, he pulled Hikaru onto him, pushing his way inside, shivering and aching at the pressure and the heat of his brothers body.

His eyelids fluttered as he listened to his brothers breath catch in his throat and his voice moan sweetly from between his lips. Focusing his gaze, he drank in the sight of Hikaru on top of him, fully exposed, as he reached the deepest point. He hadn’t realised until then, but his twin had gotten fully naked, and his skin glowed and flushed as his body was over taken by his presence. The sight was glorious, and he rocked his hips, revelling in the reaction even that slight movement caused.

A sudden confidence surged through Kaoru, and he tightened his grip on his brothers hips, anchoring him in place. His gaze raked over his twins body as he moved in slow circles inside him, making his body twitch and his skin glisten under his touch. His eyes reached his face, and his breath shuddered at the sight. Hikarus hair was matted with sweat, framing a face flushed red with lustful desire. His mouth was open, wet, his swollen lips plump and ever so enticing. His eyes were what really drove Kaoru wild though. Hooded, golden and amazingly bright with his exposed desire, they seemed to plead with him for something only he could give.

Curious and still wildly confident, Kaoru suddenly bucked his hips off the floor, forcing himself deep into his brother, just once, just to see, and his mouth watered at his twins reaction. Hikaru drew in a sharp gasp, the muscles under his skin drawing taught as his head lolled back in surprised pleasure. Kaoru moved again, and revelled in both the sensation coming from his hips, and the whimper it drew from his brother. Again and again he bucked his hips, slowly, drawing the most sensation out of each movement, making sure to soak up every inch of his brother’s helpless pleasure.

All at once, Hikaru had broken his brother’s grip, forcing his hands away from his hips and pinning them against the wall above them. Kaorus eyes, closed against the ebbing onslaught of bliss, flew open in shock as he was forced to stare back at Hikaru, mere inches from his face, his own eyes blazing with glorious determination.

He leaned in slowly, the movement sending a shock of sensation through Kaorus body from his hips, where he was still buried deep in his brother. The confidence he had felt before became a mere echo as he felt his twins warm breath on the skin around his ear.

“Im glad you’re having fun Kaoru, but I think that’s enough now.” His voice was husky, dark, and it sent shivers down Koarus spine. His fingers curled involuntarily and he felt Hikarus grip tighten around his wrists. “Remember, I said I would do all the work. You just watch, and enjoy yourself okay?”

Kaoru gasped as Hikaru released his hands, holding his gaze as he moved back, baring himself to his twin. He watched as Hikaru shifted his weight to lean back on his hands, placed either side of his thighs, and his body shook with anticipation. From that angle, everything was completely exposed to Kaoru, and it made him giddy. He’d never seen his twin in any situation like this before, and frankly, he wasn’t sure how to react. He didn’t have much time to contemplate it, however, before Hikaru started moving.

Slowly at first, he raised his hips, pulling Kaoru all the way out of him before lowering himself back down. The sensation was intoxicating, the pressure and the heat washing over Kaoru, making him shudder and gasp. He couldn’t stop himself from watching as he was swallowed again and again by his brothers body, which was moving so elegantly on top of him.

He wrenched his eyes away from their hips, wandering up over Hikarus shining skin to glance at his face, and what he saw left him stunned. Hikarus cheeks were flushed red, the same shade as his own face was in the mirror not half an hour earlier. His mouth was open, his lips swollen and wet, and his slender neck was taught, bent back against the sensations he was slave to, presenting an amazingly tempting view of his veins. What really got Kaorus attention though, were his brothers eyes.

Hikaru was watching him through hooded lids, blinking rapidly with each movement, want to screw them up against the pleasure he was so obviously feeling. His golden orbs shone with such an intense desire that Kaorus whole body shook, elevating the already overwhelming sensations radiating from his hips. He let out a whimper as he held his brothers gaze, his hands creeping over Hikarus thighs towards his hips as his twin increased his pace. Hikarus stare was unwavering, and his voice was incredible as he forced his brother into him again and again, his speed increasing with each trust. Kaoru watched as the eroticism played across his features, as his breath came and went in shallow gasps and quiet whimpers, and it was clear that Hikaru was trying as hard as he could not to let it overwhelm him. Kaoru couldn’t stop himself from bucking his hips, and that was all it took to unleash his brothers pent up desperation.

 His gaze broke off as his head lolled back before he threw himself forward, forcing all of his body weight onto his brothers hips. Kaoru let out a cry as the pressure overtook him, the heat and the friction of his twins desperate movements sending wave after wave of ecstasy and sensation rolling through his whole body. Hikarus hands were on his stomach, scratching, biting as he moved on top of him, his hair shaking wet droplets of lovely sweat out onto his skin, and his exposed and pulsing arousal beating his rhythm into Kaorus naval. All attempts of silencing their sounds had been abandoned, and their voices rose in husky cries and desperate moans. Hikarus whimpers were delicious in Kaorus ears as he watched his brother rocking against him, wild and reckless.

Without warning, Hikarus arm came flying up, grabbing at the side of Kaorus face. He pulled him in, still moving at his furious pace, to moan into his brothers ear. The sound of his brother trying so desperately to get his words out around the whimpering and moaning drove Kaoru wild, and his teeth bit into the soft, tender flesh of his twins neck.

Finally, Hikaru spoke.

“Kaoru… are you watching?”

His voice was so low Kaoru almost missed it. He fought to control his lips.

“Yes.”

“Say it.”

Once again, Kaoru found himself shocked, but not at all repulsed, by his brother’s directness.

“I… I’m watching.”

Hikaru growled lowly, squeezing his hips, sending a jolt of intense lighting up his brothers spine.

“Again… say it again. Properly…”

Kaoru reeled.

“I… I’m watching you Hikaru…”

A sweet, sweet victorious whimper escaped Hikarus lips, and he threw his head back in ecstasy. With his view now unobstructed, Kaoru lowered his eyes to their hips, drinking the sight of their sex, the cause of the rampant bliss ruling over his mind body and soul. Without holding back, he spoke again.

“Hikaru… I’m watching you…” his breath caught in his throat. “You’re so beautiful… So sexy… Hikaru…”

He was so close now, and he could tell Hikaru was too. They were moving together, Kaoru slamming into him with all the force he could muster, desperate to reach his climax, desperate to make his brother come. Hikarus whole body was shaking, his loud breathing coming in pants, moans, lustful cries of blissful torture.

“Hikaru… I want… I want to watch you…”

Hikarus fingers clumsily pressed against his brothers mouth, and when Kaoru met his gaze, his eyes were pleading.

“Kaoru… call me… _that_ … say you’re watching and call me _that_ …”

A tiny pang of rationalisation suddenly shot across Kaorus mind, and for a split second he couldn’t believe the situation they were in, but that thought was soon driven out by the complete and unadulterated lust he felt for his brother. Running his hands up Hikarus spine, he knotted his fingers in his hair and wrenched his head back. Keeping them wound tight, he leaned in to whisper in the most coarse, low voice he could manage, soaring in the whimpers coming from between his brothers lips.

“I want to watch you come…” he bit Hikarus ear lobe. “I’m _going_ to watch you come… _Nii-san…_ ”

Hikaru cried out, and Kaoru forced him back, pulling on his hair until he was forced to lean back on his hands in the same position as when they started out, fully exposed and moving as fast and as hard as they could. Kaoru released his brothers hair, moving his hand down to their hips and grabbing at his twins arousal. He worked his hand furiously, his eyes flicking between their hips and Hikarus face, wanting both to watch his twins amazingly erotic reactions, and the pre cum spilling out of his tip. He could feel his second climax coming on, and he knew his brother must be at the same stage. It surprised him slightly to realise that he really _did_ want to watch Hikaru come in his hand, and the thought drove him closer and closer to orgasm.

Through the sweat, the gasps and the sound of skin against skin, he heard Hikarus sweet voice.

“Kaoru… I’m coming… Im going to come… please…”

Kaoru caught his brothers fantastic gaze, held it for a second and then very deliberately fixed his eyes on their hips. His hand was still working his brother, and he could feel the pulsing beginnings of his climax. Inside, his own orgasm was building, building, bringing him so close he had to really focus to stop his vision from clouding over. He could feel it, in his hips and in his hands, he was going to, Hikaru was going to….

“ _Nii-san!”_

Hikaru came first, his beautiful white cum spurting out in graceful arcs, over his own skin and over the skin of Kaorus hands, spilling down to run over their legs. Hikarus whole body shook violently as Kaoru joined him in blissful nirvana, the warmth filling his brother, who was already convulsing around Kaorus quivering cock. Their breathing was hard and heavy as they slowly came down from their highs, Kaoru limp, but still inside his twin. Hikaru was slumped forward, sweat from his hair dripping onto Kaorus skin, mixing with his own, as well as the cum sticking to him and pooling in his hips.

Eventually, Hikaru gingerly pulled himself off of his brother, immediately falling backwards to lie spread-eagled over Kaorus outstretched shins. Kaoru himself was leaning back against the wall, his head still spinning wonderfully, his body hyper sensitive and electric. He could still feel the errant twitch run through Hikarus body as he replayed the moment again and again in his mind. As the sense of rationalisation slowly returned, it dawned on him that he had never known that Hikaru could be so forceful. Sure, he always _played_ the dominant one in the host club, but that was always just supposed to be acting.

He felt his brother move, and shifted over on the towel to let him sit beside him again. Wordlessly, without needing to be asked, he lifted his arm up and let Hikaru snuggle into the crook of his shoulder, leaning his cheek against his brothers hair. A few minutes passed in silence before Kaoru spoke up.

“You okay, Hikaru?”

 He felt Hikaru nod slowly against his arm. Concerned, he leant back to look at his brother, his brows knitting together slightly. Hikaru was awfully quiet, and it worried him.

“Hey, Hikaru…” he slid one hand around under his twins jaw, gently prying his face up so he could look at him. “Whats wrong?”

Hikaru tried to wordlessly twist out of his brothers grip, and Kaorus scowl increased. Shifting around so he could face him head on, Kaoru lightly gripped Hikarus shoulders, forcing him to look him in the face. Hikaru wore a surprisingly sad expression, and it bewildered Kaoru.

“Hikaru, talk to me… please…”

Hikarus eyes flicked up to Kaorus, before deliberately fixating on a spot across the room. His words were so quiet Koaru had to strain to hear them.

“…m s’rry”

“Huh?”

Hikaru sighed and begrudgingly spoke a touch louder.

“I said I’m sorry.”

Kaoru was stunned. Sorry?

“Why on Earth are you sorry?”

Their gazes met again, Hikarus stubborn, yet still sad.

“Because of… I don’t know, because of what I just did?”

It was immediately obvious to Kaoru that his brother was extremely embarrassed. He smiled at him, a warm, accepting smile, and drew him in against his chest.

“Hikaru, don’t be. You’ve nothing to be sorry for.” He leaned back, his eyes searching for his twins. “I…” a sudden wave of embarrassment hit him, and he suddenly understood exactly what Hikaru was going through. Still, he had to press on.

“I… really enjoyed that… actually…” he fixed his gaze on the wall over his brothers shoulder. “I… _really…_ enjoyed that… and you don’t have to be sorry because you’ve done nothing wrong, okay?”

His face burned as Hikaru looked up at him, suddenly very childlike.

“You sure?”

His voice was so small. All doubts and all sense of embarrassment instantly evaporated, and Kaoru couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. He kissed Hikaru, a long, lingering kiss, before pulling back, sighing and standing to his feet. He pulled his brother up as well, and together they dressed, cleaned up the room, making sure to erase all evidence of their time there, and quietly slipped back out into the world.

That night, as Hikaru lay asleep, Kaoru opened his laptop, and quietly confirmed his purchase of a wall mounted, floor length mirror that would be built into their closet door, right at the foot of their bed. 


	14. Chapter 14

_Mm… my hairs getting a bit long. Its almost touching the floor… I wonder how much further…_

Kaoru wiggled forward on the bed, his shoulders losing contact with the mattress as he hung upside down over the side, trying to close the tiny gap between the wood and the tips of his hair.

_Just a… little… bit… more…._

“Kaoru, what on earth are you doing?”

“Eh??”

Kaoru lost his balance in his surprise, his arms and legs flailing around trying to find purchase on something to steady himself before his head could crash into the wood below. Awkwardly he tried to roll sideways so that he was on his stomach, yet still half way off the bed, with his hands placed firmly on the floor. Reflected in their new mirror directly opposite, he could see both his ridiculous posture, and his brother watching him with a bemused expression, and he knew that if his cheeks weren’t already bright pink from his head being upside down, he would be flushing with embarrassment. He tried to push himself back onto the bed, but he was too far over the edge, and just ended up slipping a little more forward. Hikaru chuckled behind him and he gritted his teeth.

“I’m not doing anything, go away!”

He felt Hikaru sit down on the mattress behind him as he tried in vain to wiggle himself back up.

“Need a hand?”

His twins voice was saturated with amusement, but he hardly had time to feel ashamed before Hikaru had grabbed his shins and lifted them off the mattress, twisting him sideways. The hard wooden floorboards loomed at him, coming closer, and he tried to kick out in protest.

“Hikaru! What are you..? Stop! Oof!”

Awkwardly, Kaoru crashed down onto the floor, his shoulder taking most of the weight, sending a sharp pain stabbing through his muscles. He sat up, gingerly rubbing his arm, and turn to scowl at his twin who was now lying on his stomach on the mattress, looking down on him and laughing.

“Idiot.” He muttered, making a show of stretching and rotating his shoulder even though it actually didn’t hurt that much at all.

Hikaru grinned at him.

“Says the teenage boy who was just hanging upside down off the bed. What are you, twelve?”

Kaoru turned his nose up haughtily.

“I was checking the length of my hair.”

That only made Hikaru laugh harder, and Kaoru felt the corner of his mouth from twitch up. Hurriedly, he bit his lip before his twin could see, forcing down the warm feeling threatening to take over his chest. He was mad at his brother right now, he couldn’t be seen to be enjoying the sound of his laughter.

Hikaru’s hand came down to rest on the top of Kaorus head, and he pinched a few strands of copper hair between his fingers, lightly playing with them. The sensation felt surprisingly good, and the heat in Kaorus chest slightly flared.

“I guess it is starting to get a bit long.” His fingers started lightly scratching Kaorus scalp, melting away the irritation that he had been feeling. “So is mine. I like it though.”

“Mmm…”

Kaoru leant back against the bed, closing his eyes against the soft feeling on his brothers hand, all thoughts of annoyance completely gone. The sun streamed in through their window, warming his skin, and he could hear the sound of birds chirping in the trees outside as he let his twin play with his hair. It crossed his mind that the whole scene could have fit perfectly into a manga story, and he chuckled under his breath.

“Hmm?”

Opening his eyes, Kaoru tilted his head back to look up at this brother above him on the bed. The arm that wasn’t lowered was curled up under his chin, his cheek resting lightly on his shoulder as he gazed down on Kaoru.

Kaoru smiled back, tilting his head slightly, making his brother move his hand down to the side of his face so he could nuzzle into his palm.

Hikaru laughed quietly and stroked his brothers cheek

“You’re like a cat.”

“Mmm, purr…”

Kaoru stopped his movements and looked up at Hikaru again.

“If I’m a cat then you…” he knitted his eyebrows together, thinking of the best way to describe his beautiful brother. “You’re… a duck.”

Kaoru could almost  _feel_  the air of intimacy shatter around them. Hikaru was staring at him, wearing an expression of complete bewilderment, and maybe even a little disgust. It took all of Kaorus self-control not to giggle.

After a prolonged silence, Hikaru found his voice.

“A duck?

“Well, any type of bird really…” Kaoru thought for a moment. “Well, no, not any type, just types like ducks. Maybe a pigeon.”

“A pigeon?”

Kaoru pressed his lips together at Hikarus flat monotone, trying with all his might to stop himself from laughing.

Hikaru withdrew his hand coldly, clearly offended with Kaorus choice in animal.

“And why, may I ask, am I a duck, maybe a pigeon?”

Kaoru giggled despite himself, raising his own hand to awkwardly cup his brothers cheek.

“Because you’re flighty and erratic, you become frantic and flustered when you’re stressed, even though most of the time theres no need to be, and, lets face it, at times you can be more than a little bit moronic but…” Kaoru turned serious, “You’re also fiercely protective and loyal. You’re cunning and you know how to look after not just yourself, but those around you too. You’re very, very intelligent, but thats hidden from most people behind your ridiculousness, whether you want it to be or not.” He paused for a moment, enraptured by the glow in his twins eyes that had grown with his words. “And you always choose who to let close to you. If you don’t want someone close, they wont be. And when you do let them close, they realise there’s a whole lot more to you than meets the eye.”

 The seconds ticked by as the brothers gazed at each other, the sense of intimacy from before slowly creeping back over them before Hikaru broke the silence.

“You see all of that in a pigeon?”

“A duck, primarily.”

Hikaru burst out laughing. It was the kind of full, honest laughter that shook his whole body and crinkled his face up around the eyes. He laughed and laughed, and Kaoru watched him, smiling, internally rejoicing at his brothers happiness. Finally, Hikaru calmed down enough to squeeze a few words out.

“Where do you find your ducks?”

Kaoru chuckled, leaning his head back against the mattress again. He felt Hikarus hand return to his hair, and he sighed in content, but even the sleepy afternoon sun couldn’t drive the sudden thoughts from his mind.

“Who would you say you’re closest to?”

Hikarus hand faulted for an instant before he answered.

“Well… you of course.”

“Mmm…”

It was like a mist had snuck over the floorboards and had begun to wrap itself around Kaoru,  creeping over his hands and feet, making its way up to his chest. He wasn’t sure why, but he was beginning to feel… what was it? Depressed?

He heard Hikaru moving around on the mattress, and turned his head to watch as his twin slid down to the floor next to him, concern showing clearly in his features. Hikaru tried to catch his gaze, but Kaoru turned away.

“Kaoru? Whats wrong?”

He leaned his head back onto the bed and sighed, debating with himself whether or not to voice his thoughts aloud.

“I’m just… learning things about you that I had no idea of. I thought I knew everything about you, but now I’m not so sure…” he scowled, suddenly cold. “I don’t like it.”

He felt Hikarus fingers edge over his hand, and he let them entwine with his own.

“What do you mean? What things are you learning?” The sheer anxiety in his brothers voice twitched the corner of his mouth. He turned his head, deliberately catching his twins gaze.

“Like how dominate you are when we fuck.”

He had intended to shock Hikaru, and shock him he did. His eyes grew wide and his cheeks flamed under Kaorus direct stare. His mouth moved silently as he tried to form some kind of coherent sentence, and the sight made his brother grin before continuing.

“And then, even though you take control and order me around, afterwards you always get so shy. You curl up in my arms and hardly say a word. It’s a complete 180. I always knew you were cute, but I had no idea you could be  _that_  adorable.”

“Kaoru…”

It surprised Kaoru how meek his brothers voice was. He glanced sideways and realised that his twin was completely and utterly embarrassed.

“Kaoru… why are you acting like this?”

It was like Hikarus words had yanked him back to earth. The depressive mist he had felt lost in lifted instantly, and his own words rung in his ears. Hikaru was right, that’s wasn’t like him at all. So why…

“I don’t know, I’m sorry.” He lifted an arm to encircle his brother, hugging him against his chest. “I just… I don’t know.”

Hikaru shifted to gaze up at him, and Kaorus heart skipped a beat at how utterly cute he looked.

“Do you really think about that?”

Despite the fact that he was now also alarmingly embarrassed, Kaoru nodded. He did think about it, and more. He may have spaced out, but he wasn’t lying. Hikaru lowered his eyes.

“What else do you think about?”

Kaoru bit his lip. Should he really go there?

“Summer. I think about summer a lot.”

Yes. They were being honest with each other, and they hardly talked about their relationship seriously like this. He may not get another chance to clear the air for a while.

Hikaru was perplexed.

“Summer? You mean, almost a year ago summer?”

Kaoru stared fixedly ahead, determined.

“Yes.”

Hikaru pulled himself away, sitting upright to face his brother head on.

“What about it?”

A sudden surge of rage shook though Kaoru, surprising him. What had happened to the dreamy state of the afternoon? When did he get so serious?

_No turning back now…_

“I guess I never really got over it, I’m sorry.” He sighed, his anger melting into a strange sorrow. Why was he feeling like this? “We never really did talk about it…”

“What do you want to know?”

Hikaru sounded as serious as Kaoru felt, and his eyes grew wide as he looked at his twin. He could see Hikaru’s determination and it left him feeling almost guilty.

“Well… I don’t know. You said you went off with her because you wanted to make me jealous because you were jealous of how much time I spent talking to Haruhi, right?”

“Yes.”

Kaoru drew in a deep breath, his nerves suddenly on edge.

“Well…” should be really say it? “Well…”

“Spit it out, Kaoru.”

Hikarus voice wasn’t harsh, and it shocked Kaoru. Looking at his twin, he realised Hikaru was just as nervous as he was, and he thought maybe voicing his thoughts, which had been eating away at him for months, was a good idea after all.

“I just… I can’t get… I can’t get the thought of you two… out of my mind…” Kaoru blanched, the words getting stuck in his throat.

“What, Kaoru?”

“Well…” Kaoru screwed his eyes shut, every muscle in his body taut with stress.  “I can’t stop thinking about how you slept with her before you slept with me!”

The silence hung thick in the air. The only sound Kaoru could hear was his own blood rushing in his ears.  His lungs were aching for air, but he couldn’t bring himself to breathe again while his brother remained silent, and his fingers curled against the wood polish beneath them. Finally, Hikaru spoke up.

“Kaoru, what the hell are you on about?”

He let out his breath in a muted roar, whipping his head, which had been hanging on his chest, up to find his brothers eyes. To his amazement, they reflected complete and utter confusion back at him.

“I…” he tried to find his voice. “I… I just…” he took a deep breath and started again. “I’m sorry, Hikaru, I know its none of my business, but I just cant get it out of my head… the thought that you were with her first I just…” he couldn’t stop, the words just spilled out of him. “I just want you so much, just for me, the idea of you with anyone else just… its awful, and knowing that you’ve been with someone else already its just… awful and, and that just leads me to thinking, were you like how you are with me with her or were you different? I adore the way you take control, I  _adore_ it, and I absolutely love how you get all shy afterwards, and I don’t want anyone else to ever see that side of you, and the thought that someone else got to see that first just… “ tears were welling in his eyes, he couldn’t stop “I hate it! I absolutely hate it, and I know I’m being so selfish, but I just can’t control it Hikaru, I just love you so much it breaks my heart to know that I didn’t get you first, that I’ll always be second, that even though I’ve been with you your whole life, I will always have been second to know you completely like that I just… I just can’t…”

His voice finally broke. His face was drenched with the tears pouring from between his lashes, and he curled his legs up so he could rest his forehead against his knees, subconsciously closing himself off to everything around him. For months those thoughts had eaten away at him, little by little. And when he thought he had finally managed to move on, they would come crashing back to haunt him. Of course he had hidden it from everyone, especially Hikaru, but inside, he was breaking. To finally be able to let it all out like that… he just cried.

Hikarus arm come to rest around his hunched shoulders, and he felt a pressure in his hair from his brothers lips on his head. They sat like that in silence for a short while, until Kaorus sobbing at been replaced with a quiet hiccoughing, and Hikaru finally spoke.

“Kaoru, I never slept with her.”

Kaoru sniffled, and started to nod, until the reality of what Hikaru had said settled in.

“Wait, what?!”

Kaorus head shot up with such speed that he accidently bashed into Hikarus jaw. All the emotional tension instantly evaporated from around them as Kaoru stared, opened mouthed, and Hikaru sputtered and moaned, clutching at his face.

“-OU MA-E ME BI- MA TON-E!”

Kaoru spun around onto his knees and grabbed his twins face.

“What did you just say?!”

Hikaru pulled away from his brothers grip, rubbing his cheeks, which bore slight red handprints.

“I said, you made me bite my tongue!”

Kaoru waved his hands, having lost all coherent control over his limbs.

“No, no before that! What do you say about not sleeping with her??”

Hikaru sighed, glaring daggers at his brother.

“I said, I never slept with her.” He sat back against the bed, his brow still knitted, as Kaoru just watched helplessly. “Honestly, Kaoru, what in the world gave you that idea?”

Kaoru was in complete shock. What?  _What??_ Hikaru  _didn’t_  sleep with her??

“But… but… the hickey..?”

Hikaru laughed. Kaoru floundered.

“Yeah, I can’t say she didn’t want to, but every time we got… close? I guess? I just… I couldn’t…”

Hikaru had suddenly become quiet, his face tinged a slight shade of pink. Kaoru leaned in, forcing his twin to meet his gaze. He was still in shock, but he needed to know more.

“Why?” he breathed the word.

Hikaru squirmed, but Kaoru didn’t let him get away.

“Because… well… because…” his face darkened. “I just… I always thought of you okay?”

Hikaru shoved Kaoru backwards a bit more forcefully than was necessary. Kaoru splayed his hands out on the floor behind him to keep himself from falling completely. Had he heard that right?

“You… thought of me?” his mind tried in vain to make sense of what he was hearing. “And that stopped you? Why?”

Hikaru scowled, his natural defensive anger kicking in.

“What do you mean why? Because I missed you and I wanted to see you, but she was insisting and I don’t know I just couldn’t go through with it okay?”

Kaorus heart raced at his brothers words.

“You missed me?”

“Of course I did!”

The boys fell silent as the atmosphere turned almost awkward. The afternoon was turning into one hell of an emotional rollercoaster, and Kaoru felt his nerves about to give out. Trying to calm himself, he carefully locked every word his brother had said away in his mind, sighed, and gently nudged into Hikaru, who obediently lifted his arm again to hug his brother to his chest.

The minutes ticked by and the twins were wrapped in their own thoughts. Kaorus mind was racing over his brothers words again and again. For months he was sure that he had come second, and hearing that he was completely wrong was both exhilarating and frustrating. All that worrying, all that expended energy… but then, he was first! It wasn’t long before the absolute joy of knowing he was the only one to have his Hikaru over took the irritation of having wasted so much time worrying.

“You said you loved me.”

Hikarus voice cut through his thoughts, shocking him.

“No I didn’t?”

Hikaru shifted slightly to face him, taking care not to remove his arm from around Kaorus shoulder.

“Yes you did. You said “I just love you so much…” Just now, you did.”

Kaoru looked back at him, confused.

“Well, I do I guess. I mean, you’re my twin, of course I love you. Always have, always will, didn’t you already know that?”

Kaoru wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw his brothers eyes go dim. He blinked away an errant tear, still utterly confused.

“Oh… that’s what you meant.” Hikaru settled back against the mattress. “Well, I love you too then I guess.”

Kaoru blanched. Sure he had said it first, but it was still embarrassing to hear his twin say it so casually. A moment passed before a thought crossed his mind.

“You still kissed her though, right?”

Hikaru shrugged.

“Well, yeah…”

Kaoru nodded.

“So, she was your first kiss then? I’m your second.” He felt his heart drop a fraction. That hurt. To his surprise, Hikaru chuckled.

“Don’t worry Kaoru, you were still my first kiss. Technically.”

Kaoru stared at him.

“What?”

“Ha, maybe I should be offended that you don’t remember.” Hikaru was laughing again as he planted a soft kiss on Kaorus nose. “We were what, five? Six? Remember, we decided we wanted to see what was so great about it?” he leaned his head back against the bed, staring off into the memory. “It was just a small kiss, but it was a kiss nonetheless.”

Kaoru thought back, and surely enough, the memory was there. A small feeling of victory welled inside him, but it was almost instantly squashed by absolute mortification. Groaning, he slid sideways to hide his face against his brothers chest.

“Hikaru~, aren’t you embarrassed?”

Hikaru squeezed his shoulder and chuckled.

“No, of course not. Why would I be embarrassed?” he leant his head against Kaorus hair, rubbing his cheek softly against him. “Its one of the best memories I have.”

Kaoru didn’t respond. He just sat there and let his brothers words wash over him. He suddenly felt drained, absolutely exhausted. He’d experienced so many different emotions in such a short time, all he wanted to do was curl up next to Hikaru forevermore.

Just as his eyelids started to droop, there was a knock on the door. Looking up over the bed, the twins were met with a maid, telling them that dinner would be ready soon, and could they please prepare. They agreed, and just like that, their private little bubble burst, shoving them back into reality.

Hikaru stood first, offering a hand to his brother. Kaoru took it and was pulled to his feet. He handn't noticed, but the room had grown darker around them. The sun wasn’t quite set, but the rays of light had lost their golden hue. He sighed, casting one last long look at his brother before heading toward the door. Feeling lighter than he had in months, Kaoru followed his twin out of their room, and into the future.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**A/N**

**Thank you everyone for reading this far! You should be so proud of yourselves for making it through this fic, heaven knows I am! Now, please head on over[here](http://mspbandj.tumblr.com/hitachiinsurprise) for an exciting announcement about this story! I hope you like it! But remember, no spoilers in the comments ;) **

**Thank you all!**

**-SpaggyB**


	15. Chapter 15

“Hitachiin-san! Hitachiin-saaaan!”

The boys looked around, puzzled. When was the last time someone at school called them that? Even the teachers used their first names since it was hard enough to tell them apart already.

Kaoru recognised a girl from the next class over walking at a fast pace towards them, waving a hand, and turned in unison with his brother to face her to wait, wondering what it was that made her so formal.

She stopped in front of them, and Kaoru noticed the subtle pink tinge in her cheeks, her fingertips worrying the material of her skirt and the way she didn’t look either of them in the eye. Surely not… He couldn’t stop the corner of his mouth twitching up as he realised what was going on, anticipation bubbling in his stomach. It had been a while since one of them had received a confession, and it brought forth memories of the games they used to play on the girls, and how bitterly fun they were.

“Hitachiin-san, can I… can we talk for a minute?”

Her voice was small, shaking a bit with nerves, and her eyes kept darting from one twin to the other, and then back to the floor. She was so anxious Kaoru almost felt bad for her.

 “You might have to be a little more specific.” Kaoru glanced at his twin and saw a cheeky smirk on his face, and it spurred him on. “Did you want Hikaru or Kaoru?”

The girls eyes widened and her hands plucked a little more fiercely at her skirt.

“Um…” she looked away, the pink tinge building to a full red blush. “I… uh…”

Hikaru scoffed, grinning down at her.

“Come on now, how do you expect to talk to us if you cant even say our names?”

She cowered under his mocking tone, her shoulders hunching just a fraction more. She was clearly embarrassed, and it was hilarious. A voice somewhere in Kaorus mind that he’d never heard before told him that they were being mean, but the familiar rationalisation he had always clung to drowned it out. If these girls really thought they had feelings enough for one of them to confess, then they should have at least a little bit of confidence about it. They should at least know who they were talking to.  

She bit her lip, clearly uncomfortable at using their first names.

“Hi.. Hika… ru…” she hung her head. “I want to talk to Hi… Hikaru please.”

The twins glanced at one another, both knowing what came next. Some of the other students in the corridor had started to pay attention to the scene, some gazing on in mild curiosity, a few whispering behind their hands. To the twins, it was the perfect setting for a bit of mischief.

Kaoru started, not trying to keep his voice down, his hand reaching for the cap he always had stuffed in his back pocket.  

“Well, in that case…”

Hikaru continued, doing the same.

“Its time to play…”

In unison now.

“The “Which One is Hikaru-kun game!”

They stuffed their caps on their heads, covering their hair, the only way _some_ people were able to tell them apart, wide grins stretch across their face.

“If you guess correctly…”

“Hikaru will go with you! But!”

“Guess wrong…

“And the whole school will know how arrogant you were…

“To confess to a Hitachiin twin…”

“Without even knowing which one you were talking to!”

The girl looked absolutely mortified. Her wide eyes stared up at the twins, the hint of tears starting to shine out from them. Kaoru tasted bitterness build on his tongue as he realised she had no clue who Hikaru was, and all traces of guilt or pity left him. More and more people were stating to openly stare at them as she floundered, looking back and forth between them, desperately trying to decide. His grin stretched a little wider, but out of actual or ironic enjoyment he couldn’t tell.

He let a moment pass in silence before sighing and straightening up. This girl had no idea, it was pointless to keep going. Whether she learnt her lesson or not was up to her.

“Too bad!” his tone was mocking and bitter. “Better luck next time.”

Tears were well and truly rolling down her face by now, but Kaoru ignored them, turning to Hikaru and gesturing at him that it was time to leave.

“I’m Hikaru.”

_Wait, what?_

Kaoru stared at his brother, puzzlement furrowing his brow. Hikarus mouth was set in a hard line, making his expression unreadable. The girl just blinked up at them, clearly confused. Hikaru turned to his brother, a small, reassuring smile on his face.

“Kaoru, go back to class first. I’ll catch up.” He turned back to the girl and offered his arm, leaving Kaoru to stand there, gobsmacked. What was he doing?

The girl wiped her nose on her sleeve and took Hikarus arm, and all Kaoru could do was stand there and watch them leave together, confused, and a little bit hurt. Why had Hikaru changed his mind?

 

* * *

 

Back in the classroom, Kaoru waited out the lunch period by picking at his food with his chopsticks, not bothering to actually eat it. A flare of resentment was starting to burn in his gut at how Hikaru had abandoned him like that, and it just grew and grew with every passing minute. What was he saying to her? What was she saying to him? Why was he even bothering to humour her when she couldn’t even tell them apart? It was giving him a headache.

“Soooo, am I allowed to ask where Hikaru is this time?”

Haruhi pulled up a chair around the opposite side of his table, cocking her head a bit to catch Kaorus downturned eyes. He scowled at her trademark knowing smile, and stuck out his tongue, feeling childish. He thought about ignoring her, but decided against it, knowing that no one could endure her patience. He rubbed his face.

“I don’t know, off with some girl again.” He could taste the bitterness in his voice, but didn’t try to disguise it.

Haruhi stayed silent, blinking slowly, knowing that she didn’t have to ask. Kaoru continued.

“We were stopped by someone on the way back to class. I honestly don’t even know her name, but she said she wanted to talk to Hikaru, obviously to confess. So, we told her if she could point him out, he’d go with her.” He stopped, scowling deeply.

“So she guessed right then?”

“She didn’t guess at all!” Kaoru bit back his voice, aware that he was almost shouting. Taking a breath, he started again. “It was obvious she had no idea which twin was which, but just as I was going to suggest we leave, Hikaru turns around and goes with her anyway!

There was a pause while Haruhi waited for him to go on, only speaking up when he didn’t.

“I’m guessing you see that as a bad thing?”

Kaoru glared at her.

“Of course it’s a bad thing.” His voice was low. He knew she was going to ask why, and he knew he didn’t have a straight answer.

Sure enough.

“Why do you think that?”

He stayed silent. What was he meant to say? That he was worried Hikaru would say yes and end the relationship they had? That he was insanely jealous because Hikaru was _his_ and no one else was allowed to even _think_ of him that way? That the thought of anyone else seeing even an _inch_ of the Hikaru he knew drove him mad? He hung his head in his hands, swallowing back a growl of frustration.

“He’s changing. I can’t keep up.”

From under his lashes he saw Haruhi sit forward, clearly interested in the direction he chose.  

“How?”

He sighed, a strange sense of melancholy seeping over him.

“I don’t know…” what was he meant to say? “He’s… opening up to people. He’s starting to actually look at others now you know? I mean, not even a year ago he wouldn’t have thought twice about walking away from her. We always said people who wanted to talk to us, whether to confess or not, should at least know who they’re talking to. If people wanted to get to know us they should put in that effort. But no one ever did, until you.” He shot her a glance, not sure whether to convey gratitude or resentment. “I don’t know… what made him change his mind about that?”

_Is it because now he knows what kind of relationship he can have with people, and wants a real one?_

Kaoru clenched his jaw. Thoughts, or doubts rather, about what he and his twin were doing had started to build up in his mind. Was it really a “relationship?” Could it be counted as one? What _were_ they doing, really? How long could it really last? Haruhi cut through his thoughts.

“Surely I don’t have to tell you how this isn’t a bad thing, right?” she sounded almost worried, and Kaoru couldn’t help but huff out a begrudging laugh.

He looked up at her, the gloominess now well and truly settled in.

“I know. I should be proud of him, I should be encouraging him.”

_But how can I do that when I want him all to myself?_

“And I feel like I’m being left behind.”

“I mean, its petty to expect people to tell us apart, we’re identical.”

_Liar, liar, liar._

“Kaoru, stop.” Haruhi held up a hand, an almost exasperated look on her face. “You’re looking at this the wrong way.”

He blinked at her, confused.

“Well, you got the encouraging bit right. You should be. We all should be. And we should be encouraging you too, when you start to open up a bit more.” She flashed him a smile before continuing. “Lets say this girl _is_ confessing right now. Why should he say no?”

_Because this morning he was buried deep in me?_

“Why should he say yes?”

“Why should you be deciding for him?”

He massaged his temples, the headache from earlier threatening to creep back. How was he meant to have this conversation with her?

“Instead of feeling left behind Kaoru, you should start to think about where you’re going. Not where Hikaru is going, where _you’re_ going. Remember last year? You two finally started to accept the fact that you’re not going to be together forever. Have you forgotten that already?”

He knew she was trying to be gentle, and she didn’t mean it in a harsh way, but he still couldn’t fight back a grimace. That was the last thing he wanted to think about.

“Sooner or later, you’re both going to branch out from each other.” She really had no idea. “Maybe he’s starting sooner, but that’s okay. Maybe instead of thinking about how he is going, you should focus on how you’re going.”

He forced a smile, but couldn’t get any sound out. Her words had triggered fears that Kaoru had buried deep within his mind. Fears about the future for the twins, fears about how long they could hold on to each other. He knew it wasn’t realistic to believe they could keep going the way they were forever. It wasn’t realistic for twins to be like that. His stomach twisted, but he nodded at her anyway. This was something he had to deal with on his own.

“I know Haruhi, its just…” what was it?

_Torturous, lonely, guilty, shameful._

“Difficult.”

Haruhi smiled a warm smile at him, and he fought back tears.

“Just remember Kaoru, your grip on each other may loosen, but it never has to break.”

Kaoru stared at her, lost for words, unable to say what he really wanted to say, until their conversation was cut short by the lunch bell, and the class become a flurry of movement as students packed away their lunches and prepared for the afternoon lessons. Kaorus eyes were trained on the door, hoping that when Hikaru walked in his mood would improve. However, when he finally lay eyes on his twin, they were stinging, and for the rest of the day he couldn’t hold his brothers gaze.

What was he going to do?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short note to say 
> 
> a) im sorry it takes me so long to upd8 these fics... I am a useless human being and a useless author who can only write at 4am on nights when the world is on fire and
> 
> b) please keep in mind that because I am a useless member of society, time passes very irregularly for me, and im now aware its reflected in these fics... I have no idea how much time has passed since summer, but i can tell you its been less than a year. Its probably best to put it at about 6 months, if thats okay? Its really up to you. ALSO, I completely forgot that summer in Japan is in the middle of the year, so in my mind, this fic starts in early February, which is why there hasnt been any mention of Christmas or New Years... (I am Australian, our summers go from December to February)
> 
> I really am sorry. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this absolute train wreck... and thank you all for your kind words of support. They are literally the only thing keeping me going right now, in this fic and in life in general. Thank you so much <3
> 
> Im sorry Im so stupid


	16. Chapter 16

Hikaru didn’t say a word about the afternoons events at all through the rest of the day, and Kaoru just didn’t know how to raise the subject. More than that, he wasn’t sure he even wanted to. It was eating him up inside, not knowing what the girl had said, not knowing what his brother had replied, but how was he meant to ask? Hikaru would just turn around and say it was none of his business right? The stress built an uncomfortable knot in his stomach which just grew tighter and tighter with each passing minute.

Even the Host Club couldn’t calm his worries. Usually his friends and his clients took his mind off whatever was giving him grief, even if just for the short while they were in the music room, but even as he teased Tamaki and playfully scolded Haruhi the knot just continued to grow. More than anything he wanted to be home and in his brothers arms for real. He wanted to know that Hikaru was still his, and always would be just his. But, what if he wasn’t anymore? The knot tightened.

There was definitely something different though. Hikaru was either too quiet or much too loud. His grin, which was usually wicked and gleeful, seemed just a touch forced, and his graceful movements had a suddenly mechanical air about them. He didn’t look at Kaoru for even an instant more than he had to, and even when he did it was like he was trying to focus on something, anything, other than his brothers eyes. By the time they shut the club room doors and said goodbye to their friends, Kaorus nerves were so shot he felt he could barely stand.

They were downstairs in the entrance hall, changing their shoes and waiting for their driver to arrive and take them home. Hikaru leaned coolly against the lockers, staring at something off in the distance nowhere near where Kaoru stood staring at him. Both boys were silent, Hikaru brooding over something left unsaid, Kaoru almost shaking with dread and tension. He wanted more than anything to broach the subject, to press himself against his twin and beg him to promise that there was no one else, that there would never be anyone else. Instead he just stood rigid and silent, desperately trying to keep the hysteria at bay.

“She confessed you know.”

Kaoru almost hit the floor. His brother’s words were so unexpected, they tore through him like bullets. After an entire afternoon of utter silence, he just says it so nonchalantly. Kaoru stayed quiet, trembling where he stood.

Hikaru turned to face him, his expression completely unreadable. Kaoru swallowed hard, unable to think of a single thing to come back with. He’d spent the whole day trying to think of a way to start the conversation, and had no idea how to continue one that was started for him. He tried to shrug, just to do _something_.

“S-so? I knew she would… it was… it was obvious.” Did he sound haughty? Uninterested? He turned away, suddenly self-conscious of his own features. What kind of expression was he wearing? What did Hikaru see on his face?

He could feel his twins eyes on him, cold and silent. What did he want? What was he waiting for? Was he meant to say something obvious? Was he meant to keep the conversation going? Kaorus mind was racing, his heart was throbbing… there was so much confusion he could hardly see straight.

“Aren’t you going to ask?” Hikaru pressed on, and more bullets found their mark. “I’ve been waiting all afternoon. I thought you would ask as soon as I got back to class.” He had moved, he was standing so close to Kaoru now he could feel his breath on his skin. “What have you been thinking all this time? Kaoru, look at me.”

Hikarus hand came to gently cup his brothers’ chin, and Kaoru couldn’t stop his face from turning. They were so close, why did he feel so afraid? Hikarus sweet breath washed over him again.

“What are you think… ing…”

Before he could even finish his own sentence, Hikarus mouth had found Kaorus lips. The fingers around Kaorus chin bit just a little, before splaying out around his cheek, drawing him closer. Kaorus mind was completely blank, shocked clean from his brothers’ erratic behaviour. He tried to move his lips with his twins, but he couldn’t concentrate, and it just felt so clumsy.

As suddenly as they appeared, Hikarus lips vanished from Kaorus mouth. The hand resting against his cheek dropped, and Kaoru instantly felt alone. He was dumbfounded, scattered, and utterly lost, his voice unable to rise, his tongue unable to form words. Incoherent emotion crashed around inside him as Hikaru stared unflinchingly into his wide eyes, completely silent. What was he meant to do? What was he meant to say?

“Hi… Hikaru…” he couldn’t manage anything above a hoarse whisper. His lips burned where Hikaru had kissed him, but his mind was in pieces. “Talk… to me…”

Hikaru turned away. His lips were set in a hard line, his brow furrowed around his eyes. Kaorus breath whined between his teeth, and his hand shot up to grab his brothers arm.

“Please, Hikaru, talk to me. You said you wanted to know what I was thinking? I was thinking about you, this whole time, just you, nothing else. I was worried…” he faltered, unsure of what to say.

“Worried?” Hikaru didn’t look at him. “Worried about what? Worried that I might have said yes to her?”

Kaoru choked back his confirmation, but he didn’t have to say it for Hikaru to understand that he had hit the nail on the head. All afternoon Kaoru had been turning the thought over and over in his mind, worried sick that come evening his twin would announce his new relationship. It was only natural for Hikaru to get a girlfriend, and entirely more acceptable than what he was currently involved in with Kaoru. The dread made him sick to his stomach.

Kaoru had barely registered his brothers scoff before his back was against the lockers, and his mouth was completely over taken. Hikaru’s hands gripped his shoulders, tight, and pinned him back while his lips laid waste to his face and neck, savagely pressing into any and all patches of Kaorus bare skin. Their bodies pressed together, and Kaoru couldn’t stop himself moaning as he felt Hikaru’s thigh on his groin, rubbing him in time with the kisses on his flesh. He felt his eyes close and his body sag beneath his brothers touch as he gave himself over to the tidal wave of longing, and he realised that he couldn't tell if he was drowning, or if he was finally breathing again.   
  
“Kaoru...”   
  
Hikaru breathed the word into his mouth, and his own name had never tasted so sweet.   
  
“Kaoru... I could never want anyone as much as I need you...”

With a heavy sigh, Hikaru pulled his face away, leaning his body into his twin to rest his forehead on Kaorus shoulder, his arms sliding down to loosely encircle his waist. Kaoru felt so exhausted he feared he would collapse if he tried to stand unsupported, but the weight of his brother reassured Kaoru that maybe everything would be okay after all, so he leaned back into the lockers and simply closed his eyes.

Before long, the sound of rolling tires and the gentle hum of an engine built up in the silence around them as their chauffeur arrived to take them home. Kaoru felt Hikaru give his body a gentle squeeze before he straightened himself up, and he was almost overcome with a sudden urge to cry. He let his brother lead him by the hand to the car, thinking of how wonderful it would be to crawl under the covers that night, and just hold him as they fell asleep, unburdened from the tension of the day.   
  
Hikaru was still his. Maybe Hikaru would always be his. Or maybe he wouldn't. Maybe he wouldn't, but, Kaoru thought, at least for now, at least for today, Hikaru was his.


End file.
